The best way to make
Valentine’s Day
a
l i f e s t y l e
of being an ongoing
Caring Catalyst
is summed up with
JUST 4 WORDS
l e t
y o u r
l o v e
f l o w
The H A N D
I’ve got to
H A N D I T
to you. . .
no pun intended!
Really. . .
It’s never the Hand
you’ve been dealt. . .
Go ahead. . .
finish the cliche. . .
it’s the way you play it!
W R O N G !
When I do my presentation:
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I DIDN’T SAY,
I always H A N D
everyone a card as they walk in
and then I let them choose one on their own. . .
Most ask,
“Am I allowed to look ?” or
“What’s this for ?”
Then I forget about it. . .
almost until the middle to end of my talk;
I tell them to take their cards and ask:
“W H O W O N ?”
It’s amazing to me how many people
tell me that they have won and why. . .
. . .Say’s Who ?
“Why did you win?”
I ask,
don’t we know what game we’re playing and more. . .
here’s the clincher:
W H A T A R E T H E R U L E S ?
We play
U N A N N O U N C E D
G a m e s
e v e r y d a y
and as if that’s bad enough,
what’s worse,
we’re trying to F I G U R E
out the rules
let alone being willing to play by them;
Each person,
friend,
family,
stranger
deals up a set of cards for us
and the Game is O N !
The most important Language you’ll ever Speak
or Hear
is the one you’ll never utter or detect by sound,
but begging to be understood. . .
Pssssssssst of the Day:
It’s never the Hand you’ve been dealt,
or the Hand you’ve had
or are currently holding right now. . .
It’s Not the Hand you’re playing—
It’s the Hand you are Extending. . .
the hand you are Sharing. . .
the Hand you’re Giving. . .
and yes, most importantly,
the Hand you’re holding
(THAT’S ATTACHED TO ANOTHER ARM)!
NEVER let the hand you’re dealt
interfere with the
H a n d y o u E x t e n d. . .
The Common Cold
The Common Cold Explained?
Has it ever been?
We get sniffles
We cough
We sneeze
We wheeze
We wipe a nose that can’t stop dripping
“WE CAN SEND A MAN TO THE MOON BUT WE CAN’T CURE THE COMMON COLD”
. . .and then there’s the Winter Cold.
There’s studies on this stuff, you know?
Dr. Mike Tipton, a Professor of Human Physiology at Portsmouth University in the UK studies the human body’s response to extreme environments–like being dunked in icy water or like what so many did on New Year’s Day when many took the Polar Bear Plunge in Lake Erie and I’m sure, other parts of the World.
Dr. Mike says the temperature of how your hands and feet dominate your overall sensation of thermal comfort. “You can be warm, but if your hands and feet are cold, you will feel cold,” Tipton states.
Hardly earth shattering information, huh? I mean go to a football game in sub-degree freezing temperatures WITHOUT GLOVES and in thin socks and thin shoes. . .you won’t make it till kick-off.
But maybe the worst,
the absolute worst kind of C O L D S
we can ever feel is not the ones we sneeze or shiver our ways through, but the
C O M M O N C O L D
we seem to be experts in giving one another
on any given day
at any given moment. . .
Isn’t THAT the worst?
Is it REALLY just because we’re different?
I remember my best friend when I was in third grade was Nathan. We were inseparable. Every waking moment, especially in the Summer, we were playing football, baseball or hide-and-seek and any other game we’d make up on the run. We traded baseball cards and had camp-out-sleep-on-the-living-room-floors sleep overs. We shared everything but his grandmother hated me; wouldn’t let me on her front porch or in their yard because I was a Lutheran and he,
. . .they were Catholic;
Somehow that brought out her Common Cold
. . .and it could kick the furnace on in a heat wave.
The Social Scientists will tell us
it’s all ingrained in us since our Cave Woman/Man days
when we fought over food or pelts or fire wood or a certain corner in the cave;
Maybe this is wired in us,
this ME-FIRST attitude
or my Tribe first,
my family,
my nation
first,
the idea of attacking someone first out of fear
that something will be taken from us. . ..
But more and more I’m finding I really am
S E A R C H I N G
N E E D I N G
an U N-C O M M O N C O L D.
It’s always seemed as if we have had to
O V E R C O M E
each other in order to guarantee our survival;
now more and more. . .
isn’t it that we are actually
D I S C O V E R I N G
new ways of relating to one another,
and here’s the KICKER,
we actually need each other to accomplish THIS!
When we IMAGINE
that the person,
known or unknown
before us might be having the worst day of THEIR lives,
that THEIR suffering is actually our Suffering. . .
it’s utterly amazing how the Common Cold becomes vastly more
M O R E U N C O M M O N
Now, THAT’S NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT. . . .
Ahhhhhhhhhhh,
a life without thick gloves and thicker shoes. . .
because
O U R W A R M T H
is sufficient!
(or maybe we keep sending our feelings/emotions and ourselves way past the Moon and Mars before ever getting around to curing THE COMMON COLD?)
C L A U S ‘E D
Sometimes. . .
it’s really less about the
p r o d u c t
and more about the
c o m m e r c i a l
When’s the last time you’ve been
Mrs. Claus’ed?
Maybe the better question:
When was the last time you have been
Mrs. Claus
to someone else. . . ?
You know it’s really not that hard. . .
See
Hear
Feel
Learn
of a need
and
M E E T I T
It just might be one of your
greatest secrets
you can share
without
having to
w h i s p e r
H O W
. . .Get Claus’ed
and then make sure you
C L A U S
away
without
C L A U S E. . .
because the best way to
Celebrate
D e c e m b e r 26
is simply to treat it like
D E C E M B E R 2 5
(f o r e v e r)
Psssssssssssst of the Day:
That’s the biggest not-so-confidential
s e c r e t
you’ll never quite be able to
hide
or
ever need to. . . .
A CARING CATALYST CHRISTMAS
https://youtu.be/PYOJ1j7axrE
T H I S I S C H R I S T M A S
Most wait 364 days for it to come
but the best Kind of Christmas
isn’t the one that’s expressed
with language
it’s the one that’s spoken with
with the heart
The best Kind of Christmas
isn’t the one that needs words
but the one that leaves you speechless
The best Kind of Christmas
isn’t the one sung of
but the one that symphonies match not
The best Kind of Christmas
isn’t found in a manger thousands of years ago
but the one found in you–
shared with countless others
T H I S I S C H R I S T M A S
HAVE THE MOST ENDLESS
MERRIEST ONE
A
Caring Catalyst can share
365 days a year
Pssssssssssst of the Day:
It just might be
one
simple
h u g
away!
All Hands ON. . .
The problem with
H A N D S
is not that we all have them. . .
it’s that they are not always joined;
Our hands c a n
and have done so much on their own. . .
but when they are joined together with other hands
the imagination isn’t vast enough to comprehend
what can be accomplished;
Could have H A N D S joined together
stopped the tragic,
senseless violence that takes place all to often in
Anywhere, USA. . . ?
P E R H A P S
We will never know. . .
but H A N D S joined together can go along way in
providing the
H E A L I N G
What to do. . .
Imperfect hands in an imperfect world. . .
S I M P L E :
H E A L I T !
I’m often. . .
too often reminded
Of the story of a Rabbi who prayed daily that God would make a perfect world in which there would be no hatred, jealousy, pain, disease, pain or problems. One night, God appeared to the Rabbi in a dream and took him on tour of the world made perfect. The Rabbi saw his house, his synagogue, his town. Lions and lambs laid together. Still, the Rabbi was troubled. . .something was missing. “Where am I in this perfect world?” the Rabbi asked. God offered an apologetic answer: “This is the Perfect World you requested. You must understand that you are not perfect, so you cannot be included.”
Now, this is where
I would usually plug in some
facts,
figures,
data
scientific studies
that would prove
K I N D N E S S
is not just an option
it’s a healthier life style. . .
but
sometimes you just don’t need a study
to tell you
what you already know. . .
F A C T :
Terrible. . .
most horrible things take place in our lives and in our World
but they have no relationship on how we live our lives of
Care and Compassion. . .
F A C T :
Expecting the World to treat us fairly
because we are nice people
is like expecting a Bull not to gore us
just because we’re vegetarians. . .
F A C T :
We may never be able to prevent horrible events from happening again. . .
but by coming together
by joining hands
by Unconditionally Caring
by Unrelentlessly being Compassionate
we lessen pain and make the World a better place
N O M A T T E R W H A T
F A C T :
The Future isn’t a place we go to
It’s a Place we Create
F A C T :
By joining hands in Care and Compassion
the Future becomes a much better
P R E S E N T
a more hopeful
N O W
Join me
p l e a s e
oh please oh please oh
p l e a s e
It’s a S H A M(E)
It’s almost become a thing of the past:
J U N K M A I L
It’s almost a story no one would even notice or care about:
Richard’s
It’s almost a S H A M (E)
Funerals are a time to Remember.
Funerals are a time to Honor.
Funerals are a time to Celebrate.
It’s most likely why I really like,
yes actually enjoy,
conducting funerals. . .
I get to hear the most sacred thing in and out of this world:
S T O R I E S
I got to hear,
I got to facilitate,
I got to tell Richard’s story. . .
And now,
now like you,
m a y b e. . .
I get to tell,
I get to share,
I get to Celebrate,
I get to Honor,
I get to RE-Member it
He was an Everyone/No One. . .
You wouldn’t find him going viral on YouTube
or blowing up Twitter;
He’s not going to be a SHARE
on anyone’s Facebook page. . .
He had no LinkedIn Account. . .
or none that ANY would bother to observe. . .
Richard won’t make the front page of any newspaper
or the top story of any newscast. . .
He’s the father or an estranged son,
a brother of a disgruntled sister,
an uncle of a needy, not always grateful niece
and a f r i e n d
to anyone who ever sent out any kind of junk mail
promising to make you a millionaire for a mere,
new reduced price of $99,
or to feed a child for $5.99 a day,
or to provide clean water,
warm blankets,
medical care for $25 a month or. . .
Well you fill in the ________________________________________.
The more Richard responded, the more mail he would get
A S K I N G,
P L E A D I N G,
I M P L O R I N G. . .
He had three mountains of such requests around his chair. . .
ONE for Denying. . .
ONE for Considering. . .
ONE for Giving. . .his biggest pile by far. . .
You are reading this next sentence right:
HE BORROWED MONEY TO GIVE AWAY WHEN HE HAD GIVEN AWAY ALL OF HIS OWN
You are reading this next sentence right:
HE WAS FOUND A WEEK OR SO AFTER HIS DEATH IN HIS HOUSE WHEN THE POST-OFFICE IN HIS SMALL TOWN HAD MOUNDS OF UN-PICKED UP MAIL AND THOUGHT SOMETHING STRANGE AND INVESTIGATED DISCARDED AND DECAYING LIKE THE PILES OF MAIL SURROUNDING HIM
He received FIVE TIMES the amount of junk mail on the day of his funeral than people attending. . .
This man who just didn’t G I V E, but
G A V E W A Y,
W A Y,
W A Y U P. . .
up to a place
he dreamed on this earth
that would benefit family and friends
who long abandoned him,
but never the INVISIBLE HAND that kept reaching out to him
until it clutched his throat
and strangled him long before his death. . .
Was it Compassion?
Was it Love?
Was it Care and Concern?
Was it for some secret Redemption?
Was it a bargaining to get to some Heavenly Post-Office-Place?
Was it Blind stupidity?
Was it ultimately necessary?
What a S H A M (E), huh?
In more than just, both ways. . .
One person’s Heaven might be another’s Hell. . .
In Richard’s Heaven,
there would be
M A I L—-Lots of it—-
All handled carefully and respectfully and most of all:
A L L A N S W E R E D!
MUDDIED WORDS
It was a moment I’ll never forget. . .
She’s an 87 year old lady
on hospice
who looked up from her bed at me
and asked me if it was ok for her to say the word:
“F * C K?”
It rolled so sweetly off her tongue. . .
from her lips. . .
and I remember distinctly not being able to hold back a smile as I asked,
“Do you need permission to say anything, to me, to anyone?”
“It’s just a word that for all of my life has seemed to sum up everything,”
she said,
“. . .when I’m mad, when I’m happy, when I’m afraid and scared or when I’m in pain. . .”
“. . .Do you think it’s wrong. . .Do you think I’ll be punished for it?”
“Was you intention ever to hurt someone or embarrass them?”
“Oh no, never. . .I guess I always said ‘f * c k’ to make me feel better.”
“Has it?”
“Always. . .it’s my go-to-sum-it-all-up-word. . . .”
Some nearly twenty years later. . .
Every time I hear
t h e w o r d
I think of her and smile. . .
Back then I didn’t have the
Research
The Studies
The Data
that back up her empirical feelings. . .
I’ve swallowed bars of soap. . .
Sat in countless TIME OUT Chairs. . .
Been sent to my room. . .
Felt a hand across my face. . .
Been embarrassed. . .
but it seems that the
c u r s i n g
problem, isn’t a problem at all.
Now this is not a blog post
to condone
to allow
to make ok
to put a stamp of approval on
m u d d i e d w o r d s
but the studies are showing support
for what my hospice patient felt all of those years ago:
THAT SWEARING ACTUALLY RELIEVES PAIN
. . .and isn’t that the real goal of emotional outbursts:
TO RELIEVE PAIN ?
Richard Stephens of Keele University in England led a study that measured just how long 67 college students could keep their hands submerged in ice water. . .The group of students were encouraged to yell profanities for one controlled testing, and then to use non-swear words while completing the test. . .is it surprising that the 67 volunteers endured the cold temperatures for some 40 seconds longer WHILE SCREAMING OBSCENITIES and more, the group actually felt less pain overall. . .Stephens even went so far as to say, “I would advise people, if they hurt themselves, to swear.”
Of course, there is a sanitary, clinical term for this:
HYPOALGESIC EFFECT OF SWEARING
Richard Stephens also concluded 10 other reasons why swearing may be good for the Soul:
IT MAKES YOU FEEL STRONGER
IT ACTUALLY DOESN’T MAKE YOU FEEL STUPID OR IGNORANT
IT SERVES AS A GREAT COPING MECHANISM
IT HELPS YOU FEEL MUCH MORE RESILIENT
IT REALLY DOES MAKE YOU FEEL SO VERY MUCH BETTER
IT’S MORE ENGAGING WHILE WATCHING TV AND MOVIES
IT HELPS CREATE CLOSE BONDS WITH OTHER PEOPLE
IT’S INNATE AND EXPRESSIVE
IT MEANS YOU’RE CREATIVE
IT HELPS YOU EMPHASIZE YOUR POINTS
Timothy Jay, a psychologist at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts has spent the last 35 years studying the use of profanities. He states, “It allows us to vent or express anger, joy, surprise, happiness, grief. . .It’s like the horn on your car, you can do a lot of things with that, it’s built into you. . . .”
Maybe all of those years ago. . .
without the studies and the research. . .
my sweet, hospice patient was right that day. . .
After I prayed with her that afternoon,
her blue eyes twinkled with a sly secret
that couldn’t quite hold the surprise any longer
as she reached up and touched the side of my face and said,
“You’re such a nice f*cking man. . .
we laughed for the
b e n e d i c t i o n
and honestly. . .
f e l t better
Legislated Hearts
H E A R T M A P P I N G. . .
Have You?
Heart Mapping
is little exercise that helps illustrate
what’s really important to you. . .
Heart Mapping
was a concept
created by Georgia Heard
to help students
a c h e
about writing
instead of just merely stringing words together. . .
but it should be mandatory for everyone who has a
H E A R T beat. . .
It helps you fill in the spaces of your
H e a r t
with
Memories that are the most dear to you. . .
People who are most important to you–and why. . .
Experiences or events that you will never forget. . .
Impactful Happy and Sad Moments you’ve had. . .
Secrets that can only be kept in your heart. . .
What would be at the Center of your Heart?
Would you add Colors?
Would you add more than one Heart that overlaps?
Would you have things written around the outside of your heart?
What would be on your Heart Map. . .
that if you could, you’d legislate for the whole world to abide?
Hmmmmmmmm of the Day:
YOU CANNOT LEGISLATE THINGS OF THE HEART
if we could
we’d probably all legislate
a kinder
more compassionate
less judging
more accepting
more loving
less hating
more understanding
more caring
more forgiving
more merciful
more healthy
no cancer,
no pain
no disease
no disappointment
no terminal illness
no homelessness
no addiction
all accepting
w o r l d. . .
I would legislate that we’d all be
Caring Catalyst’s
who would literally find it impossible to be mean or disrespectful of anyone
and more giving and warmhearted to everyone
. . . h o w e v e r
we can’t legislate hate out of the heart. . .
s o m e h o w,
our Heart Map
still has passages
that takes us through some pretty swampy areas
that makes GPS’s tremble and stutter.
We can’t legislate a Heart that accepts and loves all—regardless of
race,
color,
creed,
sexual orientation,
socioeconomics,
o u r s e l v e s
If IT could happen or come to be just by
writing it down
then our Founding Fathers would have had a way to personify
creating all equal with full rights to Life,
Liberty
and the pursuit of Happiness. . .
Maybe. . .
m a y b e
that’s where it all starts?
I can’t do your heart map. . .only mine!
We can’t vote in
L E G I S L A T O R S
or adopt laws or amendments or new Constitutions
b u t
by looking at our own heart maps
and continually re-drafting
re-working
R E F I N I N G
them
and not only Beginning
but better still. . .
R E F U S I N G
to end there–
Well now. . .
We just might have created–
each of us–
a kind of Heart Map
W I T H O U T B O R D E R S
It’s a Continent worth reaching
and
s h a r i n g
See you in that never-need-legislating-land-of
T H E R E
(hopefully soon–very soon)
MAGIC SHIRTS
I’ve been a
f a t h e r
for some thirty-seven years
a n d
my kids have made me a lot of things
over those years
but aside from making me their
d a d
they really made me a great
s t o r y – t e l l e r
They would be
stories of encouragement
stories of hope
stories of motivation
stories of life
stories of living
but most of all
stories of the
u n c o n d i t i o n a l l o v e
I’ve always had for them
and hopefully never made them
d o u b t
THIS IS US
is a new NBC tv Series
that began this year
and it not only talks about
conventional life
but conventional
family life. . .
I hate
to this day
when any of my kids
or grandchildren
h u r t
and would do anything
to make it evaporate
or
TELL IT AWAY
Like this scene
or more
just by
s h o w i n g u p. . .
s h a r i n g
t h e h u r t. . .
until the tears dried
or were replaced by even a
h a l f – s m i l e. . .
I could do that
with trips to the Mall
A movie with
the extra-big bucket of buttered popcorn
and their own Big Pop
A bag full of penny-candy
A play-ground run
A day at an amusement park
one-on-one dates to Bob Evans
or Caribou Coffee
or a well-timed s t o r y:
M A G I C A L
So
what’s
your
go to
s t o r y ?
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