The Caring Catalyst

Who Cares - What Matters

THE SUNSHINE IN YOUR DAY

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She was doing what most women do like breathing.          .          .

she was multitasking in the most expertly way;

The only reason I came to the courtesy desk to begin with

was because I had a buy some stamps.          .          .

She yelled from aisle 3:

“I’ll   be   right   there,”

and sure enough she was.     .     .

faster than a second’s moment

By the time she got to the register she was a little out of breath;

she welcomed me

and when she saw the smile on my face

she asked me this question:

“Who   put   the   sunshine   in   your   day?”

I smiled back at her and said,

“You   did,”

She gave me a look over the top of her bifocals and she said,

“If   you   only   knew.       .       .”

“If  I only knew what,” I asked?

She told me the last four months have been horrible.        .        .

she lost her son to a heroin overdose

and then her father to death

even though he was her stepfather

she clarified without a pause of taking a breath,

“That    was    my    father !”

She added as a sigh

more than a statement,

“Things   haven’t   been   going   well   at   home,”

and then with a look of mocked disgust added:

“.        .        .and  to  make  worse  somebody  that  was  supposed  to  be  there  today  to  help  me   called  off.”

She told me without knowing

M  E

without knowing my role

without knowing anything about my reason

or wanting to know my place in life

She offered up,

“I  told  God, ‘You  said  you  only  give  us  what  we  could  handle;’  I  told  Him that’s  enough  young  man.     .     .that  is  enough!”

I had to ask:

“I’ve got to ask you out of just pure I curiosity did you get any response to that?”

She chuckled out,

“Well  I’ve  been  waiting  for  thunder  and  lightning,”

and I asked her do you think that would be the response.     .     .     ?

She told me at this point her life any response even a bad one would be good;

I looked for her name tag where it was supposed to be on her shirt and she goes,

“Oh  yeah, that’s  another  thing  I  forgot.       .       . my  name  tag.”

She said,

“But  you  know  what  sometimes  it’s  great  to  be  nameless.”

I  told  her  sometimes  it’s  absolutely  fantastic  to  be  nameless.

She was my walking talking sermon that morning.           .          .

She told me when  life  throws  lemons  at  you

 “Why  make  lemonade,  go  for  the  margarita?”

She told me as I was walking away

to have a great day and thanks for listening.          .          .

I stopped and turned back towards her again and said,

“Listen, you just  made my day 100% better not because of your sad pail of WOE, but because in spite of it all, you’re just not telling me your story, but taking care of me and everyone else.         .       .”

I went over to her again and extended my hand to her,

I shook her hand with both of mine,

“You’re not just dealing with a storm but a whole tsunami and you just haven’t survived it, but THRIVED IT!”

Her eyes filled up with tears;

I held her hand harder and said,

“I’ve got three words for you, WOW! YOU’RE AMAZING!”

So.          .          .

Who put the Sunshine in Your Day

may not be the question so much as

WILL  YOU  BE  THE  WHO  BRINGING  THE  SUNSHINE  TO  SOMEONE  ELSE’S DAY?

 

R  E – F  R  A  M  I  N  G

sometimes is less about Form

and more about a

s h a r e d      f i e l d      o f      v i e w.          .          .

 

E M P T Y

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images

Have you ever run on Empty?

How far have you been willing to push it?

Have you ever run just past Empty?

Had you walking, didn’t it.       .       .   ?

.            .            .or at least furiously texting or calling to get

r         e         s        c         u        e        d

unless that tank isn’t a gas tank.         .         .

Is   Your

E    m    p    a    t    h    y           T    a    n    k

running   low?

There’s research out of the University of Michigan led by Sara H. Konrath and Published in Personality and Social Psychology Review, 

which  contends that  our  empathy has declined  significantly  over  the  past  thirty plus  years.       .       .

S          H          O          C          K          I           N          G  ?

Since the creation of the Interpersonal Reactivity Index in 1979, tens of thousands of students have filled out this questionnaire while participating in studies examining everything from neural responses to others’ pain to levels of social conservatism.  Ms. Konrath and her colleagues took advantage of his wealth of data by collating self-reported empathy scores of nearly 14,000 students.  She then used a technique known as cross-temporal meta-analysis to measure whether scores have changed over the years.  The results were startling:

ALMOST 75% of students today

rate  themselves  as  less  empathic  than  the  average  student  30  years  ago!

W            O            W

You  want  to  hear  the  good  news?

The shared belief is that

IF      EMPATHY      CAN      CHANGE.       .        .

IF      IT      CAN      DECLINE.       .       .

IT     CAN

I              N              C               R              E              A              S              E   !

Have you ever run on empty?

Have you ever run past empty?

How far have you ever been willing to push it?

What’s sapped your empathy the most?

What’s dried up your empathy the fastest?

What’s fueled your empathy?

What fills up your empathy tank the fastest?

When’s the last time you felt it for another?

What were the circumstances?

The quickest way to RE – FILL?

The studies say:

READ  Fiction

WATCH  a  Movie

TOUCH  a  Hand

LET  A  HAND  TOUCH  YOURS.       .       .

Fill’er UP

(o f t e n)

BEFORE      YOU      GO      RUNNING

E                 M                 P                 T                 Y

SERVING the UNDESERVING

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T  H  E      E  L  E  V  A  T  O  R

is always in

S E R V I C E

and it doesn’t matter so much

 W      H      O

purses the Buttons

as it does

WHICH      FLOOR      YOU      DECIDE      TO      GET      OFF.          .          .

I flat out got my BUTTONS pushed this past week

My FUSE

not only got lit

I found out painfully just how short it was

on this particular day

because of this SCRUPULOUS  Reason.         .        .

WHAT    CLOGS    YOUR    DRAIN.          .          .

I RE-DISCOVERED what stopped mine up

to less than a trickle.          .          .

I was asked to do the funeral for

a person I had never met:

N  O  R  M  A  L

I got at the funeral home to meet with the family I had never met:

N  O  R  M  A  L

I talked with the Funeral Director for any additional information about the Person:

N  O  R  M  A  L

He told me the reason the family asked for someone they had never met to conduct the services of their loved one:

M E

Was because the family’s minister, when called by the Funeral Director to ask about his availability for the service told the Director that the Deceased had not paid his Church Pledge and he would be glad to conduct the Services FOR $650.00 because the HE  IS  RUNNING  A  BUSINESS  AND  NOT  A  CHARITY.       .      .

ALL OF MY BUTTONS GOT PUSHED/JAMMED simultaneously 

ALL OF MY BELLS AND WHISTLES  screamed

ALL  OF  MY  FLAGS  went high up/off the Poles

 ALL  OF  MY  LIGHTS  went Red Flashing

ALL  OF  MY  WEAKEST  LINKS  snapped

E          V          E          R          Y          T          H          I          N          G 

I despise about Organized Religion

went off like an ongoing 4th of July Firework Session

gone amok.          .        .

I was way past

I N C E N S E

a n d    straight    to    the    dark    heart    of

I        N        C        E       N        S        E        D

and then we were in the service

and his friend stood up and Eulogized him so perfectly

and   it   h i t   me:

I am not THE CARING CATALYST.        .          .

but I am  A  CARING CATALYST

and as it turns out

a   not   so   perfect   Caring   Catalyst.          .          .

T R U T H:

I          A    M            P    E    R    F    E    C    T    L    Y          I   M   P   E   R   F   E   C   T

and one of the Biggest Hypocrites I’ve ever known.          .          .

Here I am espousing all of this

Peace on Earth

Goodwill

Forgive

Give no matter what

All of this:

and even more of

and dashes and doses of

and pinches of

I   come   to   RE-DISCOVER:

I          A    M            P    E    R    F    E    C    T    L    Y          I   M   P   E   R   F   E   C   T

Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:

So        is           everyone          E  l  s  e.          .          .

    E               V               E               R               Y               O               N               E

P     E     R     I     O     D

I on/off stewed

I on/off complained

I on/off retold

I on/off obsessed

over this

all-too-live-all-too-real-button-pushing-bell-whistle-blowing-red-light-blaring

s t o r y

and this poor excuse of a Caring Catalyst

who is most

 P    E    R    F    E    C    T    L    Y          I   M   P   E   R   F   E   C   T

came to this humble-less-than-ever-honest-with-himself:

S     E     R     V     E          T     H     E          U     N     D     E     S     E     R     V     I     N     G

o  r

S E R V E    N O    O N E

No

if’s

an’s

but’s

or’s

unless’s

excepts

until’s

Join me

You      Perfectly       Imperfects

JOIN       ME

JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN ME, JOIN

m e

Let’s be Pieces of the Puzzle

who come together

and become better as

ONE

than we could ever be

by our PERFECTLY IMPERFECT SELVES

SERVING     THE     UNDESERVING 

.             .           .THAT’S  not so much thinking out of the box.          .          .

IT’S       O B L I T E R A T I N G       IT

And the Biggest Discovery Since one of Columbus’s might be

Let    your    Imperfect    YOU

J  O  I  N

My Imperfect  ME

The SERVED

is not always the DESERVED.          .          .

LET’S       SERVE        THEM        ANYWAY

What’ll STOP You ?

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What is it?

WHAT  STOPS  YOU ?

What slows you down.          .          .

What   DELAYS  YOU ?

What makes you proceed with caution.        .       .

What   redirects   you

What’ll discourage you.          .          .

What will dampen you resolve.        .        .

What will end your quest.          .          .

Interesting questions, huh?

Sometimes it doesn’t take much to deter us.          .          .

It doesn’t have to be a sign

or a natural or unnatural disaster.            .          .

Sometimes it can just be as random as a

thin sliver of metal

That’s what about did me in

on the way to Church

knowing that I not only needed to get there in time

to Lead Worship/Preach

but to hurry out and go do a funeral some 40 miles away

to hurry across town to do another funeral

so a flat tire was not in my plans.          .          .

s e l d o m

are bad things.          .           .

THE  TAKE  AWAY:

When bad things happen

G O O D       P E O P L E       S H O W       U P

Two   kind   Caring   Catalysts

Steve and Craig were both at Church early that morning

and when I told them of my woe

and even bigger woe of not finding a place that was open

to either fix the tire or buy a new one

E V E R Y T H I N G       W A S       C L O S E D

Steve was going to throw the not-so-effective

DONUT TIRE

and Craig had a better idea of going to a local AUTO ZONE

and put a tire patch on the leak

just as fast as he bought the kit

and I was happily down the road

without a bump or a burp.       .       .

my biggest problem:

GETTING.          .          .

I  don’t   G E T  so  good

a compliment or a fixed tire.          .          .

who thought it wouldn’t be the flat tire

and the

FIXING      OF      IT

would be less of a problem

than my

RECEIVING        THE        KINDNESS

of      having      it      done.        .        .

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.          .         .

what does it say

That   K I N D N E S S

though severely appreciated

would keep me

S      T     O     P          M   E

humble me to a

s c r e e c h i n g

h a l t i n g.          .         .

The Living Sermon

from Steve and Craig

that Sunday Morning

was to teach me

A            G           A             I            N 

wasn’t   to   prove.       .       .

to shame me in knowing

my huge ugly-pimple-of-a-flaw

of not being a good RECEIVER

a GOOD-GETTER.        .        .

No.   .   .No.   .   .NO.          .          .

the   lesson

t o    j u s t 

G                   E                   T  

b  e  t  t  e  r

END-L I G H T I N G

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I   love   Candles.       .       .

 I love the actual act of simply lighting Candles.

I  Love  how  they  make  a  room  look.

I  love  how  Candles  can  make  a  room  smell.

I love how Candles illuminate something in me that nothing else quite can.        .        .

especially if music is playing;

I love that one of our friends with their kids made candles

and gave Erin and I each one last week;

I love the flickering dancing of a small flame from a Candle.        .        .

Y     O     U  ?

Go figure.        .        .

Hanukkah and Christmas Eve are NOT the same days this year;

.       .       .in fact, we are already nearly in the middle of Hanukkah

and it’ll end in the evening of Wednesday, December 20.       .       .

four evenings before Christmas Eve.        .        .

My favorite Hanukkah Story is one of my Favorite Christmas stories:

Right before sunset a young boy and his mother were about to light the Menorah and he asked her,

“MOM,  DO   YOU   LOVE   ELENA   MORE   THAN   YOU   LOVE   ME?”

As the rest of the family gathered around to Light the Menorah, she whispered back to her son, “Honey,  I  will  answer  that  question  when  we  light  the  Hanukkah  Candles.”

She lit the Shamash, (the Candle that lights the other candles of the Menorah) held it high and said,

“ALL  MY  LOVE  IS  IN  THIS  FLAME. I  AM  GOING  TO  GIVE  ALL  MY  LOVE  TO  GRANDMA  AND GRANDPA.”

She lit that first candle, held the Shamash high above.

“LOOK,  I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW,  I’M  GIVING  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE  TO  YOUR  DAD,”

She said as she lit the second candle, holding the Shamash high above and proclaiming,

“LOOK, I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW,  I’M  GIVING  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE  TO  YOUR  SISTER,  ELENA,”

she said as she lit the third candle and then held the Shamash high above exclaiming,

“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL MY LOVE.”

“NOW  I  WILL  GIVE  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE  TO  MR.  BENSON, OUR  NEIGHBOR  WHO  HAS  NO  FAMILY OF  HIS  OWN,”  she said as she lit the fourth candle and held the Shamish high to say,

“LOOK,  I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW,  FOR  MY  FRIEND  CATHY  WHO  IS  IN  THE  HOSPITAL,”

she said as she lit the fifth candle and once again held the Shamash high as she boldly said,

“LOOK, I STILL HAVE ALL MY LOVE.”

“NOW, HERE  IS  SOME  LIGHT  FOR  ISRAEL,  IN  HOPE  FOR  PEACE,”

She lit the sixth candle, held the Shamash high to extol,

“LOOK,  I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW,  I  WILL  GIVE  ALL  MY  LOVE  TO  CHILDREN  WHO  DO  NOT  KNOW  FROM  WHERE  THIER NEXT  MEAL  WILL  COME.”

She lit that seventh candle, held the Shamash high and confidently stated,

“LOOK, I  STILL  HAVE  ALL  OF  MY  LOVE.”

“NOW.    .    .NOW, MY  SON,  I  WILL  LIGHT  THIS  EIGHTH  CANDLE.  AND  I  AM  GIVING ALL OF MY LOVE  TO  YOU.”

C O U L D    I T.    .    .

could it be that one Light ends at the same time Another Starts?

Could it be that they

ALL    JUST    CONTINUE    TO

f l i c k e r
on.         .         .

enlighten.         .         .

to the eye that notices?

L         I         G         H         T         I          N         G

is  a  VERB

For  all  Seasons

For  all  Days

For  all  Moments

For   A  L  L

Maybe.           .           .

Maybe it’s all about just when the

Wick comes to Flame.         .         .

m    a    y    b   e

it’s  all  about

O N-L I G H T E N I N G

and less about

E N D-L I G H T E N I N G ?

S    O  .          .          .

S e e.        .        .

B e.        .        .

F    r    e    e

that magnificent Light

w i t h i n

for all those

w i t h o u t.         .         .         

I T       I S        I N        E V E R Y O N E         O  F       U S

Let’s in our own way

Let’s in our own time

p                r                 a                 y

Be ENLIGHTENED

To ENLIGHTEN

To SEE

A Universal Language

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https://youtu.be/8dvqM5P6Fv4

I’m a severe sucker for

THE  TOUCHY/FEELY

movies.        .      .

if it can make your eyes water

if it can make your lip quiver

if it can make your heart beat differently

if it can make you want to grab for a nearby hand

then   Y  E  S

I’m I N

.         .       .especially if it’s a Christmas movie

and YES.         .       .

I’ll watch them anytime of the year

but especially now

as the temperatures dip

the calendar pages are turning

and we’re literally in the midst of

H  O  L  I  D  A  Y       C  E  L  E  B  R  A  T  I  O  N  S

I reflect on one of my favorite scenes from the remake of

THE    MIRACLE    ON    34th   STREET

I don’t think you have to wonder

W               H               Y

after seeing the short clip

of Santa signing to a beautiful little deaf girl

and the message is

well.       .       .

universal:

I butcher the English language

and me taking two years of German in college

(so that I didn’t have to take any Math Classes)

didn’t help me much sprechen zie Deutsch

but we never get THIS language wrong

in fact, we all speak it impeccably

WHEN WE SPEAK IT

.         .         , here’s to us all making it

a more effective

a more consistent

a more efficient

a more universal 

l         a         n         g         u         a         g         e

more of the time

especially past the holiday’s.       .       .

.         .        .When we come to realize THAT.           .           .

The Caring Catalyst 

In Each of US

will know that the real

H  O  L  I  D  A  Y       C  E  L  E  B  R  A  T  I  O  N  S

are just beginning

and better still—

N   E   V   E   R   E   N   D   I   N   G

SHOWING UP

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It was just a couple of weeks

following the worst day of my life:

the death of my Grandfather.      .     .

My Hero

My Role Model

My Idol

My  Victim.          .          .

I believed that I had killed him

when I hit a softball

and it crushed him in his side

and exploded his Spleen;

Now two weeks later

after the funeral

but far from the

UNIVERSE  OF  GRIEF

we had just finished our supper

in the dining room at my Grandmother’s house

and there it was.         .         .

A   K N O C K     A T     T  H  E     A  L  L  U  M  I  N  U  M      S  C  R  E  E  N     D  O  O R

I seriously thought it was the police

coming to pick me up for my crime

but who I saw at the door was much worse:

IT    WAS    OUR    FAMILY    MINISTER

.       .       .any time the family Minister came to visit

it was never a good thing.          .          .

There was the time I flipped bubble gum into Margaret Young’s hair from the balcony

There was the time I stole Coke from the dime machine for the whole youth group

There was the Communion wine incident.          .          .

and now T H I S 

What was so amazing was that he had come from Washington, PA

all the way (25) miles to Wheeling, WV

to make a Pastoral Visit.          .          .

I, seriously don’t remember one word Dr. Dozier said that night

but I’ll NEVER forget

what he did.          .          .

HE      SHOWED      UP

and me, a couple of weeks from my 14th Birthday

knew at that very moment

what I wanted to do

for the rest of my life:

SHOW     UP

I, at that very moment

wanted to do for others

what he had done for my family:

SHOW     UP

A couple of days ago

I suffered through one of the worst

professional days of my 23 year hospice career.          .          .

A number of my colleagues were laid off;

it wasn’t the first time

in fact, it’s becoming more and more frequent;

one time, it actually involved me

but this time

it felt different.          .          .

it hurts deeper

aches harder

cuts sharper

stings more consistently

swells  larger

h                 u                 r                 t                 s

I didn’t mean

I didn’t want

to be just another unaffected NOUN

I wanted to be more than words in a text

I wanted to be a Verb

I wanted to not reach out

I wanted to touch

I wanted to be felt

I wanted to do what words

attempt

but only actions can convey.          .          .

I       WANTED       TO       SHOW       UP

I wanted to SHOW UP for THEM

like I knew these wonderful, highly gifted people

have done countless times

for innumerable amounts of others

(me  included)

They have taught me much.       .       .

but  mostly

that  I’m  an  ARTIST

that  I’m  a   MUSICIAN

with a masterpiece that gets shared

in no other way

than simply by just showing up

and  more

that the Shadow

can never know

promise

or  do

what anyone of us can by

SHOWING  UP

I refuse to grieve

the absence of each of them

so much as celebrate

their  PRESENCE

in my Practice

in my LIFE

and  for  that

I’m  just  not  indebted.          .            .

I’m   eternally   GRATEFUL

so   I’ll   replace

GOOD   BYE

with

THANK   YOU

I don’t want to sermonize:

I just want to assure

I just want to insure

I just want to share

I just want to Companion

I just want to Be with Another

and Another

and Another

as so many others have been for me

I want to be for others.         .        .

                                                                                   (no        more        words)

IN FOXED

By Leave a Comment

https://youtu.be/Dd_0BIuZgHg

Are you more of a Fox or

are you more of a Mouse.        .        .

The       C   O   R   R   E   C   T           A   N   S   W   E   R:

Y                    E                    S

We’ve   been   both.         .         .

many  times

many  different  times

many  different  ways

a     n     d

many  more  times  to  come

in  for  both  cases.            .          .

it’s  never

T H I S     S E A S O N

about   being   one   or   the   other

it’s   always   knowing

you’ll   be   both

sometimes   at   the   same   time.          .          .

It’s   not   about   being

O U T  F O X E D

or  a  fearful  little  meek  M O U S E

.         .        .so  much  as  it’s  about

being   in   constant

R        E        L         A         T          I          O            N          S          H         I          P

e   s   p   e   c   i   a   l   l   y

when   we   are   one

and   then   the   other

and   mostly   when

we’re   caught   in t  he

i n b e t w e e n.          .          .

T                    A                    G  :

Y  o  u ‘ r  e        I  T!

Get your Caring Catalyst ON

and MOUSE UP

be the fierce Fox another needs

of  you

(o f t e n)

B U L L I E D

By Leave a Comment

https://youtu.be/mnKPEsbTo9s

T        R        U        T        H  ?

I’m not a big fan of Burger King.          .          .

T       R        U         T        H  ?

I’ve got a sudden urge to begin to visit ONE

a little more frequently.          .          .

The  Power  of  Advertising?

Nah.       .       .

The  Power of  Shame

I very likely would intercede

in the bullying of my burger

absolutely less likely to

NOT   GET   INVOLVED   IN  WHAT’S   NOT  MY  BUSINESS

is that the proper/easy way

to avoid

B  U  L  L  Y  I  N  G

if it knocks on my back porch screen door

but not necessarily my front door?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  of  the  Day:

I spoke  ashamedly  honest about

standing up what I’d do if you’d bully my burger

and what I most likely wouldn’t do if it were some kids messing with another

So UN-Caring Catalyst of me, huh.        .        .

IT          DOESN’T        MATTER

.          .          .what does is

WHAT          WOULD          YOU          DO ?

Pass the Ketchup

and  oh  yeah.          .          .

T  H  E        S  A  L  T

(I obviously,  e m b a r r a s i n g l y   lack)

Eyes and EARS

By Leave a Comment

We use to play it as kids

usually in the back seat of the car

on longer-than-we-ever-wanted-trips:

PLAY THE GAME

WHAT    WOULD     YOU     RATHER     BE:

RIch/Poor

Hot/Cold

Get bit by a poison snake/Get bit by a shark

Be Deaf/Be Blind.          .          .

The Game was endless

and it did pass the time.          .          .

The question about the S E N S E S

seemed to always be the hardest.          .          .

even now.          .          .

What’s   most   important   to   you:

To   be   Heard

or   to   be   Seen.          .          .

To  See

or   to   Hear?

Tough decision, huh.       .      .

hopefully one you’ll never have to make,

but maybe S C I E N C E

can help.          .          .

When it comes to understanding how someone truly feels, it may be best to close your eyes and just listen, a new study shows.

Empathy allows people to identify the emotions, thoughts and feelings of others. To do this, people tend to not only focus on the exchange of words, but also a person’s facial expressions and other nonverbal cues.

But a new study from the American Psychological Association suggests that you could be trying to do too much. In fact, relying on a combination of vocal and facial cues may not be the most effective method for understanding the emotions or intentions of others, the study said. [5 Ways Your Emotions Influence Your World (and Vice Versa)]

“Social and biological sciences over the years have demonstrated the profound desire of individuals to connect with others and the array of skills people possess to discern emotions or intentions,” study author Michael Kraus, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at Yale University, said in a statement. “But, in the presence of both will and skill, people often inaccurately perceive others’ emotions.”

The new research found that people who focus solely on listening to another person’s voice — including what the person says and vocal cues such as pitch, cadence, speed and volume — were able to better empathize with that individual.

In the study, the researchers examined how more than 1,800 individuals communicated with others. Some participants were askedto listen but not look at each other, while others were asked to look but not listen. And in some cases, the participants were allowed to both look and listen while communicating with one another.

In addition, some of the participants listened to a recorded interaction between two strangers that was read to them by a computerized voice lacking the usual emotional inflections of human communication.

On average, the study found participants were able to interpret the emotions of their partner more accurately when they just listened to the other person and didn’t focus on facial expressions. Furthermore, listening to the computerized voice proved to be the least effective for accurately recognizing emotion.

In the study, the researchers examined how more than 1,800 individuals communicated with others. Some participants were askedto listen but not look at each other, while others were asked to look but not listen. And in some cases, the participants were allowed to both look and listen while communicating with one another.

Although facial expressions can tell a lot about how someone is feeling, Kraus said that people are good at using facial expressions to mask their emotions. Also, watching and listening may reduce empathetic accuracy because more information isn’t always better, and trying to do both at the same time can actually make it harder to understand the meaning behind a person’s vocal inflection and facial expression.

“Listening matters,” Kraus said. “Actually considering what people are saying and the ways in which they say it can, I believe, lead to improved understanding of others at work or in your personal relationships.”

So   let   me   ask:

DID    YOU    HEAR    WHAT    I    DIDN’T    SAY.          .          .

DID    YOU    SEE    WHAT     I     DIDN’T     S H O W

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.          .          .

L   O   O   K        Again

and see what you

H                 E                 A                 R

 

Professional Speaker, Author, Assurance Man