https://youtu.be/SQuyCc1Cuac
So just what is in your
L U N C H B O X. . .
Maybe the bigger question is:
just
what
are
you
w i l l i n g
t o
s h a r e. . .
and the greatest question yet:
A R E Y O U ?
Who Cares - What Matters
https://youtu.be/SQuyCc1Cuac
So just what is in your
L U N C H B O X. . .
Maybe the bigger question is:
just
what
are
you
w i l l i n g
t o
s h a r e. . .
and the greatest question yet:
A R E Y O U ?
Have you?
Have you ever been EMPATHETIC-ED?
I mean. . .
the The New York Times. . .T W I C E in the Sunday, July 12, 2015 edition (See at the Bottom of the Blog)
Stewart Butterfield’s article,
IS YOUR EMPATHY ON YOUR RESUME?
actually states:
“If you have no ability to empathize, then it’s difficult to give people feedback, and it’s difficult to help people improve. Everything becomes harder.”
Daryl Cameron’s article: EMPATHY IS ACTUALLY A CHOICE, reports:
“It’s not that you can’t feel it. You just don’t want to.”
Something like
e m p a t h y
should never come down to
S c i e n c e,
but what could actually offer more proof?
Decades of research, including behavioral studies, in which people act empathically in controlled situations, even when it’s in their self-interest not to,
and in MRI studies,
in which emotive brain structures activate when the subject hears about another person’s experience.
Let’s face it, it it weren’t for
E M P A T H Y
Authors and Hollywood would be out of business
. . .F O R E V E R
But. . .it doesn’t matter, does it?
BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE
tells us, there are mental disorders, such as sociopathy, that stops people from being able to feel empathy.
BUT. . .
most people aren’t sociopaths.
Some research suggests that 4% of the population is sociopathic. . .
I’m terrible at Math. . .
but even I know that would obviously mean 96% of all humans feel empathy. . .
a pretty large number, huh?
What. . .
what does it matter?
If you’ve truly been
E M P A T H E T I C – E D
It means you care in return. . .
or you fake it. . .
or. . .
you can’t feel it all. . . .
referrer=http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/07/12/opinion/sunday/empathy-is-actually-a-choice.html?referrer=
Sometimes it happens to
M E. . .
Y o u ?
Sometimes my inner and outer
Caring Catalyst
gets scabbed over
o k. . .
C A L L O U S E D
and then it gets
s o f t e n e d
with the
s i m p l e s t
the most
s i g n i f i c a n t
things:
A mere phone call. . .
I hadn’t heard from him in a long time–
y e a r s
We had been colleagues
but never close
and never social. . .
we might have seen each other across the room
at a conference or a luncheon presentation
but neither would make a move to meet
in the middle. . .
an acquaintance
nothing more
maybe even
l e s s
and then
I had heard recently after giving a presentation
at a local hospital
that he had suffered a severe stroke. . .
I think I reached out
benignly
via a FaceBook Instant Message
that I was thinking of him and wishing him the best
and then. . .
h o n e s t l y
I f o r g o t a b o u t him. . .
When the cell phone rang
I didn’t recognize the number
but I broke my rule of answering a
number I didn’t recognize
and it was him. . .
He quickly identified himself
and even before I could say
h e l l o
or ask him how he was doing
he was apologizing. . .
asking forgiveness for
not keeping in touch
talking about me behind my back
not being supportive when he knew I had been going through a particularly tough professional situation. . .
and then through broken sobs
he was asking if I and everyone I knew
could pray for his healing—
not his complete healing from the stroke,
just a partial healing that would allow him to play his music
on the piano and guitar
he often did for patients and families
and with a jazz group he would jam with
on Friday nights. . .
the scab gave loose. . .
the callous
s o f t e n d
Sometimes it happens to me. . .
y o u ?
Sometimes my inner and outer
Caring Catalyst
gets scabbed
ok. . .
C A L L O U S E D;
Has that happened to you?
When was the last time?
Me?
It happened when
Humility Dialed A Phone
and
I
a n s w e r e d
the scab gave loose
the callous–
softened. . .
Me. . . ?
h u m b l y
c h a n g e d
Would you?
If they could dispense Compassion from the local Pharmacy,
would you go get a prescription?
S H O U L D Y O U ?
Well it truly might not be that far off–
l i k e t o m o r r o w.
There could literally be a pill to make us more Compassionate.
TIME MAGAZINE reports that’s what a new study suggests.
Studies do that, don’t they:
S U G G E S T S. . . .
A group led by researchers at the University of California Berkeley and the University of California San Francisco shows that by manipulating a brain chemical, people can become more compassionate and act in prosocial ways to equalize differences.
You know how these studies go:
You get a group of people and give half a placebo and the other “the Drug” they hope will effect change.
Well, in this particular study, it showed ever so slightly that those given a dopamine drug were more likely to share money with strangers than those who were given the placebo.
So. . .
Would You. . .
Should You. . .
Take a Compassionate Pill?
Forget about your Dopamine levels,
what about your
Compassionate Level?
If there were a way to determine such a level from a mere blood draw,
would your levels be depressingly low?
Would you need a
C o m p a s s i o n a t e B o o s t e r ?
The Hmmmmmmm Experiment of the Day:
Without placebo or anything else remotely fake,
EXPERIMENT with being nice to just one person
–any gesture of nice-ness–
and then being nice to another and another and another.
Here’s the Hypothesis:
THE MORE COMPASSIONATE YOU ARE, THE MORE DOPAMINE GETS RELEASED TO BE EVEN MORE COMPASSIONATE
Here’s the real test:
Test if being OVER COMPASSIONATE will make your Dopamine levels reach dangerous, uncharted measurements.
Psssssst: Go directly to Vegas and BET IT!
Compassion doesn’t get dispensed in a bottle, a capsule or a syringe. . .
It’s literally a TOUCH away. . .
right at the end of your hand.
Try it.
Try DISPROVING that
COMPASSIONATE RELATIONSHIPS–
NOT technology
NOT Pharmaceuticals
H E A L U S
MAKE’S US HAPPY
MAKE’S US MORE COMPASSIONATE
MAKE’S US MORE LOVING
b u t
F I N D I N G O U T
is the absolute best ways to
E X P E R I E N C E I T . . . .
It’s true. . .
I’m a One – Song – Musician
When it comes to the Harmonica the very first song I learned,
ended up literally being the last one:
O L D S U S A N N A
I usually get lots of mileage out of that when I’m giving a Keynote Speech.
I relay it back to the strong fact that there’s not really much need for a
One-Song-Musician.
I mean, I can’t book a Concert Hall and play Old Susanna for a solid two-and-a-half hours to be followed by another fifteen minute encore, right?
The point?
Just because we do
ONE OUTSTANDING DEED,
it doesn’t let us off the hook for never having to do another one–EVER!
As much as there just isn’t much need for a One-Song-Musician,
there’s not a whole lot of curtain calls for a
One-Deed-Good-Samaritan, either.
We are NOT called to do good,
to be Compassionate,
Caring,
Understanding,
Accepting,
Forgiving,
just once or once in a while. . .
but E V E R Y T I M E
I had just given an early morning talk to an area Rotary Club
and actually began the talk without saying a word. . .
just pulling out my harmonica and playing my beloved,
O N E S O N G
I made my point.
I finished my talk to a standing ovation
(I knew I could play THAT song, but I had no idea it would cause such a powerful reaction)
and after staying around and talking with several people,
I made my way to the nearest STARBUCKS for my morning cup of coffee before during some patient visits,
a funeral
and another talk to end the day.
I KID YOU NOT
while I was standing in line,
there was a guy who came into a now fairly crowded STARBUCKS to get his morning fix actually
playing a harmonica!
Everyone kind of stopped. . .
I mean texting, googling, face-booking, tweeting, talking–
and looked up as the guy get in line right beside me playing his bluesy song.
When he came up for a breath,
I told him that I too was a HARMONICIST
“Really,” he sounded surprised?
“Really, ” I echoed back,
“but I’m a very specialized harmonicist.”
“Specialized?”
“Yes sir! I know just one song, but I know it real, real, REAL good–Old Susanna!”
We both laughed.
I asked him what he liked playing the best and he answered me by playing some rag-tag-hot-bluesy-piece.
I told him
T H A T
just earned him a free cup of coffee.
Now that our order was in, we went to the end of the other line to wait to our Fixes.
He told me that he played at as many amateur nights as he could find,
but often had to compete unfairly with guitarists.
Our orders now delivered,
I shook his hand,
thanked him for his mini-concert and wished him continued success and blessings in the present and future.
His last sentence to me was of pure music. . .
Grammy worthy:
“Thanks, my man. . .
I’m just a song looking for a pair of ears!”
Ain’t we all?
Well, worth a cup of coffee, huh?
Who would have thought that I walked in thirsting for a Breve Venti Latte
and walked out with my latte,
a smile,
a story and a great memory that I,
that we,
are m o r e,
so very much more than meets the eye or the ear.
What a shame if it were just shared
O N C E !
B E
the song that needs heard,
sung,
danced,
remembered
–repeatedly–
often. . .
H A R M O N I C S
At it’s Best !
(and o u r s)
Hurt people hurt people. . .
especially themselves
I don’t keep those statistics. . .
over thirty-six years I don’t know how many Celebrations of Life I’ve conducted of those who have committed suicide. . .
Personally, I find only still-born or infant/children Celebrations of Life more difficult to do and
. . .to understand.
He literally kept his truck running as he pulled into a parking lot near a bridge and ran to it, full force, until reaching the middle and then without hesitation he hurled himself over the edge to the 200 foot plunge to a ravine below.
W H Y ?
She had just had a long, but painful relationship come to an end. She ran herself a bath, lined the tub with candles and framed pictures of them–dances, weddings, New Year’s Eve parties, vacations, the recently passed Christmas, kissing under a sprig of Mistletoe they both held above their heads. A CD they had compiled was playing as she laid back in the warm water and slit her wrists and ankles.
W H Y ?
She received a diagnosis of not just cancer, but cancer that has in fact, metastasized but decided not to let the disease take her life when she could control, the how, the when and the where. . .and did with some meds that she stockpiled and went to bed, to sleep forever one snowy night.
W H Y ?
Straw is lighter than a whisper without a breeze
. . .unless it’s the last one. . .
the one that makes whatever load born now incredibly
u n b e a r a b l e
Such a piece of hay was his
as he faced yet one more strand of straw with the news of possible incarceration
and he walked in front of an oncoming train.
W H Y ?
The studies will tell you that 90% of the people are dealing with a mental illness at the time of their death.
In the end,
because there is the end,
it really doesn’t matter if it’s because of depression or psychosis,
or an impulse,
or a crying out for help,
or a philosophical desire to die or because of terrible mistake made. . .
there’s an end;
I’ve just recently come across an idea I’d never heard or seen before
that spoke to me not so much in words, but
p u n c t u a t i o n. . .
It’s called:
THE PUNCTUATION PROJECT
and it’s purpose is the use the semicolon when a sentence could have ended
. . .but didn’t;
The movement is for anyone who has ever self-harmed
has a personality disorder
or has tried to kill themselves.
The semicolon is being used as a sign,
a symbol of hope.
It’s s h o u t i n g out:
“YOUR SENTENCE IS NOT OVER YET!”
The movement seems to be catching on because,
obviously it’s not just a Robin Williams-like celebrity that commits suicide;
Many are getting it ‘inked’ on their wrists or other parts of their bodies.
;
I think it’s growing on me. . .
this semicolon symbol. . .
and if it just allows one. . .
j u s t o n e
person to keep their sentence moving,
well then. . .
Mother Theresa once said:
“THERE IS MORE HUNGER IN THE WORLD FOR LOVE AND APPRECIATION THAN FOR BREAD.”
Indeed. . .
the World is one hungry place. . .
but you have all the food necessary to feed one
or all carrying that one, single,
devastating piece of straw.
It just may be a phone call,
whether one made to you or the one you share at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
or share: suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
There is no greater sentence in anyone’s book more powerful than the one that’s lived;
punctuated with exclamation points of
love,
acceptance,
compassion
and understanding—
all within your DNA.
H e a l e d p e o p l e h e a l e d p e o p l e
Have you ever suffered from
A L T I T U D E S I C K N E S S ?
I’m not asking what’s the highest mountain you’ve ever climbed
or if you’ve ever hiked a Pike’s Peak-like trail;
I’m asking did you ever feel the highest of high’s:
A H E L P E R ‘ S H I G H ?
No, it’s not a myth or even a goal to have or aspire. . .
it’s very real and like most real things,
it not only evokes a lot of opinions and theories,
but also a lot of studies that actually present facts.
Take any N D A D. . .
That’s right, a Non-Directed Anonymous Donor. . .these are people who literally walk in off the street and say that they are healthy and would like to donate a kidney; not to a family member or a distant relative or a very close childhood friend. . .NO, to an actual person they have never met and quite possible never will; a true; NON-DIRECTED ANONYMOUS DONOR.
Dr. David Lansburg, director of kidney transplants for British Columbia, Vancouver says that such a donation sets off a chain reaction of giving as well as a saving multiple lives.
You think?
Dr. Abraham Maslow called such acts, witnessed and shared,
P E A K E X P E R I E N C E S. . .
Dr. Jonathan Haidt is a psychologist calls this peak experience ELATION and describes it as a warm feeling in the chest, a sensation of expansion in the heart, an increased desire to help, and increased sense of connection with others.
Well. . .
are you buying THIS a cup of coffee
or treating it like some discarded moldy grounds?
BE YOUR OWN STUDY
You don’t have to go too far back into your own personal photo album to remember,
do you?
If someone yells at you for no good reason, first thing in the morning. . .
it’s sets off a chemical reaction inside of you that would make the most sophisticated Chemistry Sets pale in comparison.
Pssssssssssssssst:
The same is true if you
DO GOOD. . .or even witness good being done!
FACT: When you do even the simplest of kind things, you literally feel happier–because you do; it’s the brain’s natural versions of morphine and heroin–they call it dopamine.
FACT: Kindness gives you a healthier heart. Oxytocin causes the release of nitric oxide which expands the blood vessels, hence, lowering blood pressure.
FACT: Kindess slows down the aging process. The study of Tibetan Buddhist’s Loving Kindness Compassion meditation found that kindness and compassion did, in fact, reduce inflammation in the body.
FACT: Kindness makes for better relationships. Seriously, do you hate seeing an act of kindness or actually having one done to you?
FACT: Kindness is contagious. Let’s go back to our 28 year old Non-Directed Anonymous Donor (NDAD) who walked into a clinic and donated a kidney. It set off a “pay it forward ” type of ripple effect where the spouses or other family members of recipients of a kidney donated one of theirs to someone in need. The “domino effect,” as it is called in the New England Journal of Medicine report, spanned the length and breadth of the United States, where 10 people received a new kidney as a result of a that single anonymous donor.
So. . .
you want to get H I G H ?
Get your kindness on. . .
It’s the one Rock you can throw
that’ll start three ripples with the first skip:
The ripple for the recipient
The ripple for you
The ripple for the one who might see the kindness. . .
One simple act of kindness will get you a one way ticket to a
H e l p e r ‘s H i g h
W A R N I N G:
B E W A R E. . .
T H I S I S H I G H L Y A D D I C T I V E
Well. . .did you?
I did.
Zippy.
I don’t remember when I got him, but I remember when he went away mysteriously one day.
I was crushed. . .
I r e m e m b e r.
Psychologists call that a security or transitional object.
Of course there have been studies about this.
There are no real numbers on how many people actually carry around a childhood pillow,
blankie or stuffed animal,
but a recent survey of 6000 British adults by the hotel chain Travelodge
found that 35% admitted to sleeping with such an object.
Surprised?
Up until very recently,
it was thought to be bad,
but in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology in 2000,
it was found that those with a transitional object
experienced less distress, as measured by blood pressure and heart rate.
Apparently
S E C U R I T Y B L A N K E T S
really do live up to their name.
I visited a lady in a dementia unit recently who was holding a stuffed animal.
We talked briefly about some of the photographs in her room
of family and pets and she blurted out,
“You, YOU can go now. But he’s staying,”
she said as she clung and hugged her stuffed animal even closer.
I thanked her for letting me stop by;
she wanted me to pray for her and her stuff animal before I left.
It was as short prayer.
I left wondering. . .
A couple of presentations
. . . a few conversations later,
I’m still wondering.
W H Y ?
Why the clinging to a stuffed animal,
blankie,
pillow
or any other lifeless object?
I’ve asked it of a couple of groups and a more than a few individuals now.
I’m not sure that that there’s a definitive answer,
but some that have been offered are:
Non-Judgmental
Accepting
Unconditional love
Peaceful
Security
Who knows really?
The thing I wonder about the most though,
is if this
t r a n s i t i o n a l o b j e c t
can provide all or each of those things–
what about me?
How much more so can I?
P R E S E N C E
is one of the most powerful,
non-evasive,
Nonpharmacological,
least expensive,
cheapest,
EFFECTIVE
ways ever discovered to provide
h e a l i n g !
Maybe what I wonder most. . .
Who could have ever imagined
j u s t b y s h o w i n g u p
the most amazing things can take place
over and over and over
again and again and again and. . . . ?
Now T H A T ‘ S the stuffing we’re all made.
(Don’t let it go to waste)
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME ?
It’s a question asked by many. . .
by me. . .
by you. . .
b y u s.
It’s really asked when it comes to
being kind,
being compassionate,
not o n c e,
but time and again and again,
over and over.
HOW MANY TIMES IS ENOUGH?
WHEN’S IT OUR TURN?
WHY NOT US?
All good questions,
but can we just take a deep breath,
no. . .
go ahead and take three deep breaths in a row,
holding each one for about five seconds
and then letting them all the way out real slowly. . .
P A U S E
And reframe the Questions
to just one single
o n e:
W h y P r a c t i c e C o m p a s s i o n ?
The scientific research is really starting to pile up
and it all dramatically points to what you might have felt
but now can fully experience.
The benefits of being
C o m p a s s i o n a t e,
literally,
can improve your health,
well-being,
and relationships,
both your intimate,
close ones as well the fringe friendships. . .
Many scientists are even telling us that Compassion may even be vital to the survival of our species and through actual dedicated, intentional practice, these benefits can literally be
off the charts !
The Compassion Research is telling us:
So. . .
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
Hmmmmmmmmmm. . .
it seems,
not one thing. . .
It’s m a n y things!
Pssssssssssssssssst:
N E V E R T R U S T T H E S C I E N C E !
Use yourself as your own private lab experiment. . .
Test it for yourself.
What have you got to lose?
Ummmmmmmmmmm:
Just being
L E S S C O M P A S S I O N A T E !
T H E Y
. . .say that Class is always in Session,
but it really does make a difference
as to which one,
doesn’t it?
C O M P A S S I O N 1 0 1 :
The understanding and application of what it means to
“S u f f e r W I T H”
a n o t h e r ;
to learn and then to apply
the feeling that arises
when one is confronted with another’s suffering
and likewise
t h e n
being motivated to relieve that suffering
in a single distinct
or varied ways. . .
Are you signing up?
Is it required
FOR YOU–
D O Y O U N E E D IT ?
What would your final project include?
Would you
Pass/Fail?
Up until now,
not a whole lot
was
s c i e n t i f i c a l l y
known about our potential
or possibility to actually create compassion—
the emotional state of caring for people
who are suffering in a way
that motivates a more caring behavior for others.
W E L L . .
Researchers at the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds
at the Waisman Center of the University of Wisconsin-Madison
actually proves that people can become more compassionate.
T h e y
had the SPECIMENS practice compassion,
first on a loved one,
then someone like a friend,
and then for themselves
and then someone they actually had past conflict with
like a troublesome co-worker.
T h e y
actually surmised that people can actually build up their
c o m p a s s i o n m u s c l e
and respond to other’s suffering
with care and a sincere desire to help;
So. . .
I F
you are in particular need of some training
or at least a good refresher
you can actually go to the
Center for Investigating Healthy Minds
website and Compassion on UP. . .
O R
we could just actually be more compassionate. . .
on our own. . .
on purpose. . .
intentionally!
How?
Dare to assume,
yes,
actually on purpose,
intentionally,
wholeheartedly
‘that every person you have contact with,
every day
on every occasion
just actually might be having the worst day of their lives. . .
Seriously, if you treated every person that way–
as if they were having their worst day,
suffered a terrible loss,
found out horrific personal news–
you don’t think you would be more compassionate
and that in fact,
they wouldn’t severely benefit?
It’ll cost you little
to hold a door,
pick up a dropped piece of paper or book,
compliment a hairstyle or a pair of glasses,
a shirt,
pay for the cup of coffee for the one behind you,
throw a quarter in the parking meter,
pass a tissue,
wash a car windshield
or being as anonymously creative as you can let yourself imagine. . .
Hmmmmmmm of the day:
Y O U W I L L F E E L B E T T E R A N D B E N E F I T !
Psssssssssssst:
There’s a study to prove it
. . . or you can actually find out on your own;
Don’t decide to be more Compassionate. . .
Just one person,
one act,
one deed at a time,
d o i t .
And then. . .
just better yourself,
beat your own record every day,
by doing just one more kind act than yesterday. . .
W O W
Look at that Compassion Muscle,
F l e x !
Impressive!
See you at the Blackboard, Class