Who Cares - What Matters
Our Song is individual
Our Song is varied
Our Song has different tunes
Our Song has multiple verses
Our Song has different meanings
But Our Refrain
OUR REFRAIN
is the same
We are walking each’s other Home
WE ARE WALKING EACH’S OTHER HOME
N E V E R
n e v e r
NEVERMORE TO BE EVER ALONE
I’ve long believed that
H O M E
is never a Street Address
A P.O. BOX Number
A GPS Destination
H O M E
Is not ever a place
so much as a
F E E L I N G
If COVID19
hasn’t taught us anything else
over these past long months
it’s not so much how
c o n t a g i o u s
it happens to be
but how
I N F E C T I O U S
our love
our sense
our longing
our need
to be
TOGETHER
to be in
COMMUNITY
with each other. . .
What do you call
H O M E
. . .better still:
WHO BRINGS YOU THERE. . . ?
P R O V E
I T
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
It’s time to
P R O D I G A L
U P
and get
H O M E
(And most of all to PROVIDE IT)
M I R R O R,
M I R R O R
on the WALL
who’s the
M O S T
Compassionate of them all. . .
Here’s a
B I G G E R Q U E S T I O N:
Are these things easy to assume:
People are selfish
Greed is Good
Altruism is an Illusion
Cooperation is for Suckers
The BAD in people is far stronger than the GOOD
Compassion is a show of Weakness
Kant once said,
“Such benevolence is called soft-heartedness and should not occur at all among human beings.”
Are we all that
F A R O F F
Thinking:
True Compassion doesn’t exist
or if there’s a smidgen of it,
it’s just for pure self-interest reasons. . .
Before we totally garbage can
C O M P A S S I O N
recent studies
S H O U T
Compassion and Benevolence
are rooted in
OUR BRAINS
OUR BIOLOGY
and are severely ready to be cultivated
in this Harvest Time
for the greater good. . .
It’s way deeper than just being in our
University of Wisconsin Psychologist, Jack Nitschke found in an experiment that when mothers looked at pictures of their babies, they not only reported feeling more compassionate love than when they saw others babies; they also demonstrated unique activity in a region of their brains associated with the positive emotions. Nitschke’s finding suggests that this region of the brain is attuned to the first objects of our our compassion–our Children
. . .but this COMPASSIONATE INSTINCT isn’t limited just to parents’ brains; in a different set of studies, Joshua Greene and Jonathan Cohen of Princeton University found that when subjects contemplated harm being done to others, a similar network of regions in their brains LIT UP. . .This consistency strongly suggests that Compassion isn’t simply a fickle or irrational emotion, but rather an innate human response embedded into the folds of our brains
Emory University Neuroscientists, James Rilling and Gregory Berns studied participants who were given the chance to help someone else while their brain activity was recorded. Helping others triggered activity in the caudate nucleus and anterior cingulate, portions of the brain that turn on when people receive rewards or experience pleasure. This goes to explain: HELPING OTHERS BRINGS THE SAME PLEASURE WE GET FROM THE GRATIFICATION OF PERSONAL DESIRE
So. . .
the seemingly Scientific Code is:
The Brian seems wired up to respond to others’ suffering
. . .it makes us FEEL GOOD
when we can alleviate suffering. . .
and we didn’t even begin to
talk about the numerous studies
on the Chemical Reactions
that take place
when people merely practice behaviors associated with Compassionate Love:
Warm Smiles
Friendly Hand Gestures
Affirmative forward lean in’s
A tsunami of oxytocin washes over our shores
that suggests:
BEING COMPASSIONATE
CAUSES A CHEMICAL REACTION
in the body that motivates us to be
EVEN MORE COMPASSIONATE. . .
b u t
f e e l i n g
Compassion is one thing;
a c t i n g
on Compassion is another. . .
Daniel Batson’s research suggests that when we encounter people in need or distress, we often imagine what their experience is like. . .it, he said, is one of the most important aspects of our ability to make moral judgments and fulfill the social contract
Studies
S t u d i e s
S T U D I E S
. . .they abound and are bordering onto
c o u n t l e s s
it’s clear, isn’t it,
recent scientific findings show that
COMPASSION is deeply rooted in
our brains
our bodies
our basic ways of communicating. . .
Hey. . . this Caring Catalyst research
can go on and on and on
but the most significant question of this blog post:
W I L L I T
. . .Compassion means nothing as a word
unless it becomes
p e r s o n i f i e d
F R I E N D S
is there really a benefit to having them. . . ?
Well
as you can imagine,
THERE IS A STUDY. . .
evidence-based-data:
Journalist, Tara Parker-Pope recently shared an article in the New York Times Sunday Edition that makes us ask the question:
WHAT GOOD ARE FRIENDS?
Whether it’s Mary and Rhoda, Woody and Buzz Lightyear, or the 20-somethings of “Friends,” Hollywood has long celebrated the power of friendship. And with good reason. A true friend gives support without judgment, comes through in a crisis and knows just the right thing to say when it matters most. Friendships are an essential ingredient in a happy life, so it’s time to give them the care and attention they deserve. Keep reading to learn why friendships matter, how to sustain them and the simple steps you can take right now to be a better friend.
Family relationships often come with a dose of guilt and obligation. Friends, on the other hand, are the antidote to the burdens of daily life.
How powerful is friendship? Researchers at the University of Virginia wanted to find out whether friendship influences how we approach the challenges of daily life. In an unusual experiment, researchers stood at the base of a steep hill (a 26 degree incline) on the university campus and asked 34 students as they walked by to help them in an experiment. Some students were by themselves, others were walking in pairs.
Each student was given a backpack filled with weights equal to about 20 percent of their body weight. While the students may have had the impression they were going to have to climb the hill, the researchers simply asked them to estimate how steep the climb would be.
Notably, students standing alone perceived the hill slant as steeper and thought it would be harder to climb while carrying the weighted pack. But students who were standing next to a friend thought the hill looked easier to climb and gave lower estimates of its steepness. Interestingly, the longer the two friends had known each other, the less steep the hill appeared.
Other studies support the notion that social support helps us cope with stress. When female college students were asked to complete challenging math tasks, their heart rates went up. But when they were asked to complete the math problems with a friend in the room, their heart rates were lower. Scientists also know that when rhesus monkeys are moved to a new environment, the level of stress hormones in their blood increases. But when a monkey is moved along with her preferred companion (monkeys form friendships too), the stress hormones measured in her blood were much lower. (Similar results have been seen with rats and guinea pigs.)
All this research suggests that friends can change our view of a challenging situation, and that the mere presence of a friend in the same room can lower our stress. Having friends essentially allows us to outsource some of the emotional burdens of daily life.
Most of the research on health and relationships is focused on romantic partners. But researchers have found that our friendships actually have a bigger impact on our health. Here are some of the findings about the health benefits of having friends:
Why are friendships so good for us? Scientists have a few theories.
Logistical support: Friends can run errands and pick up medicine for a sick person, although in most studies, proximity was not a factor in the benefits of friendship.
Association: It may be that people with strong social ties also have better access to health services and care or are more likely to seek help.
Less stress: People with strong friendships are less likely than others to get colds, perhaps because they have lower stress levels.
Positive peer pressure: Researchers have found that certain health behaviors appear to be contagious and that our social networks — in person and online — can influence obesity, anxiety and overall happiness. A recent report found that a person’s exercise routine was strongly influenced by his or her social network.
But it could also work the opposite way, a large 2007 study showed an increase of nearly 60 percent in the risk for obesity among people whose friends gained weight.
Dan Buettner, a National Geographic fellow and author, has studied the health habits of people who live in regions of the world where people live far longer than the average. He refers to these areas as “blue zones” and found that positive friendships are a common theme in these regions.
In Okinawa, Japan, where the average life expectancy for women is around 90, the oldest in the world, people form a kind of social network called a moai — a group of five friends who offer social, logistic, emotional and even financial support for a lifetime. In a moai, the group benefits when things go well, such as by sharing a bountiful crop, and the group’s families support one another when a child gets sick or someone dies. They also appear to influence one another’s lifelong health behaviors.
Buettner’s team created a quiz to help people assess the positive impact of their own social network. The quiz asks questions about your friends and the state of their health, how much they drink, eat and exercise, as well as their outlook. The goal is not for you to dump your less healthy friends, but to identify the people in your life who score the highest and to spend more time with them.
“I argue that the most powerful thing you can do to add healthy years is to curate your immediate social network,” said Mr. Buettner, who advises people to focus on three to five real-world friends rather than distant Facebook friends. “In general you want friends with whom you can have a meaningful conversation,” he said. “You can call them on a bad day and they will care. Your group of friends are better than any drug or anti-aging supplement, and will do more for you than just about anything.”
So maybe the biggest question here isn’t,
DO FRIENDS DO US GOOD?
so much as
JUST WHAT KIND OF FRIEND AM I. . . ?
Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst:
IT REALLY DOES MATTER
(p r o v e i t)
L I K E M O S T C O U P L E S
I was able to meet with them
several times before their
B I G D A Y
Kari and Matt had quite a history
with unnamable
UN-GPS’ED
Forget-Using-A-Compass-For-Any Semblance-Of Direction
R o a d
that coursed them to each other
after their own individual journeys
safely together. . .
They proved
as if anyone needs proof when it comes to the crazy
UNIVERSE
of L O V E
with all of it’s uncharted Continents
and many more unknown
w a y s
and By-ways
I T
not only survives
but T H R I V E S
in a most amazing and mostly unexplainable way
u n t i l
some O N E
indeed attempted to do just that. . .
Kari and Matt
thought
(rightfully so)
they had the most perfect explanation
(at least for them)
in a simple poem
by Taylor Mali
entitled:
FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE OWNING A DOG
On cold winter nights love is warm It lies between your and lives and breathes and makes funny noises.
Love can wake you up all hours of the night with its needs.
Love can give you a sense of security: When you’re walking down the street late at night and you have a leash on love, ain’t no one gonna mess with you.
Love needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy. Love does not like being left alone for long. But come home and love is always happy to see you. Love may break a few things accidentally in it’s passion for life, but you can never be mad at love for long.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there. Love makes messes. Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper and swat love on the nose. But then love gives you big kisses, And you laugh the little things.
Sometimes love just wants to play. Running you around the block, leaving you panting. It pulls you in several different directions at once, or winds around and around you, until you’re all wound up and can’t move.
And love brings you together. People who have nothing in common but love stop and talk and greet each other on the street. Most importantly, love needs love, and lots of it.
Like most couples
on T H E I R S P E C I A L D A Y
they bring people together
to not only show the love they have for each other
but to ultimately. . .
S H A R E I T !
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm:
Kind of makes your tail wag, doesn’t it?
EVER BEEN BROKEN DOWN?
EVER LIKE IT?
No matter how beautiful the day,
it’s never a good one
when you find yourself
on the side of the road
when even going nowhere is more exciting
than where you are:
BROKEN DOWN
with Flatbed truck backing up to
move you forward
B U T
when an
I F
becomes a certain
W H E N
and all
of what
BROKEN DOWN
means to you becomes
REALITY
just what do you do?
YOU RECEIVE
YOU GET HELP
. . .and for some
(Yes, my hand is being held high in he air, waving)
it’s the worst part of being broken down. . .
My first thought when my tire blew
was I’m so glad I was
C O M I N G
F R O M
a funeral
instead of
GOING TO
a funeral. . .
My Second thought was not so comforting to me
and it never has been:
I NEED HELP
I NEED SOMEONE ELSE’S ASSISTANCE
I NEED. . .
I made the call to Triple A
and within a fast 45 minutes on a
Let’s-Get-To-The-Holiday-Weekend-Friday-Afternoon
he was hauling me back to my neighborhood
Monro Auto Service and Tire Centers
where I had just bought my current tires 11 months before;
The attendant was a one-man show that day,
answering phones, fixing cars
quoting quotes
and taking care of me. . .
T H A T
he was so
kind,
understanding,
competent
and yes,
(best or WORST of all )
G I V I N G
all were somewhat
hard
un-disolvable
CHUNKS OF SALT
he was rubbing into my
so-hard-to-receive-soul. . .
Most Caring Catalyst’s are not good receivers. . .
we just don’t get real good. . .
Our Comfort Zone
Our Default Setting
is always about
giving
sharing
pumping up
championing
Others. . .
But one of the biggest parts about being
A Caring Catalyst
is recognizing that other
Caring Catalysts
also need to give
as they have been given
so that that magnificent cycle
can begin all over again. . .
Maybe the Worst Kind of
Broken Down
there can ever be
is when you can’t truly receive
from another
what you so readily
would
G I V E
but now need to
G E T
(. . .m a y b e)
SPOOKY STUFF. . .
Control a Computer with Your Thoughts
…Sort Of
Credit: Lorrie Lejeune/MIT
Regardless of whether your mouth is moving right now, you are talking to yourself.
As you read these words, the muscles in your larynx, jaw and face are fluttering with quick, imperceptible movements, sounding out the words so you can actually “hear” them in your head. This kind of silent speech is called “subvocalization,” and unless you’re a speed-reader who has trained yourself out of this habit, you’re doing it all day, every time you read or even imagine a word.
Now, MIT researchers want to use those subvocalizations to decode your internal monologue and translate it into digital commands, using a wearable “augmented intelligence” headset called AlterEgo. [Inside the Brain: A Photo Journey Through Time]
“The motivation for this was to build an IA device — an intelligence-augmentation device,” Arnav Kapur, a graduate student at the MIT Media Lab and lead author of a paper describing the device, said in the statement. “Our idea was: Could we have a computing platform that’s more internal, that melds human and machine in some ways and that feels like an internal extension of our own cognition?”
A promotional video accompanying the news release shows a student (Kapur) going about his daily routine while wearing the headset, using silent commands to navigate through a TV menu, check the time, tally up prices in the supermarket and, apparently, cheat at the game Go. His opponent is none the wiser.
Let’s say you want to ask AlterEgo what time it is. First, you think the word “time.” As you do, muscles in your face and jaw make micro-movements to sound out the word in your head. Electrodes on the underside of the AlterEgo headset press against your face and record these movements, then transmit them to an external computer via Bluetooth. A neural network processes these signals the same way a speech-to-text program might, and responds by telling you the time — “10:45.”
In another twist, AlterEgo includes no earbuds. Instead, a pair of “bone conduction headphones” resting against your head sends vibrations through your facial bones into your inner ear, effectively letting you hear AlterEgo’s responses inside your head. The effect is a completely silent conversation between you and your computer — no need to pull out a phone or laptop.
An early test of the technology showed promising results, MIT said. In a small study, 10 volunteers read a list of 750 randomly ordered numerical digits to themselves while wearing AlterEgo headsets. According to the researchers, AlterEgo correctly interpreted which digits the participants were reading with an average accuracy of 92 percent. (For comparison, Google’s microphone-based speech-to-text translation service has an accuracy of about 95 percent, according to Recode.)
“We basically can’t live without our cellphones, our digital devices,” said Pattie Maes, an MIT professor and the paper’s senior author. “But at the moment, the use of those devices is very disruptive…. My students and I have for a very long time been experimenting with new form factors and new types of experience that enable people to still benefit from all the wonderful knowledge and services that these devices give us, but do it in a way that lets them remain in the present.”
The new paper describing the device was presented at the Association for Computing Machinery’s ACM Intelligent User Interface conference in March, and has yet to appear in a peer-reviewed journal.
Originally published on Live Science.
Kind of untangles some jumbled up wires, huh?
Until I begin
L I S T E N I N G
Kill’s with kindness
That cliche won’t buy you a cup of soup on a cold day
or a glass of iced-tea on a hot one
but it doesn’t keep
U S
from saying it over and over again
with any situation that brings us to
the gutters
of what to do
when someone
W R O N G S
US. . .
or does it
Have you ever once
felt threatened for doing an
ACT OF KINDNESS
E V E R ?
Friends and family are paying tribute to Lori Kaye, who was killed Saturday after a gunman opened fire at the Chabad of Poway synagogue north of San Diego, also injuring three others.
Rabbi Yisroel Goldstein, who was injured in the attack, described Kaye, 60, as “the example of kindness to the fullest extent.”
Here’s what to know about Kaye:
Kaye, a San Diego native, is survived by her husband, a doctor, and a 22-year-old daughter, her friend and fellow congregation member Roneet Lev told CNN.
Another friend, Audrey Jacobs, posted a tribute to Kaye on Facebook: “You were always running to do a mitzvah (good deed) and gave tzedaka (charity) to everyone. Your final good deed was taking the bullets for Rabbi Mendel Goldstein to save his life.”
CNN reports that at a Sunday night vigil for Kaye, Rabbi Goldstein — a longtime friend — said Kaye had been a kind and generous member of the congregation, giving the example of how she had accompanied a woman with breast cancer to her doctor appointments. “She went out of her way until the moment that that woman passed away,” the rabbi said.
Kaye was at the service on Saturday — the last day of Passover — to honor her mother, who had recently died, Lev said. Kaye’s husband and daughter were also at the service.
Rabbi Goldstein told reporters the gunman shot Kaye in the lobby of the synagogue, before turning the gun on him and opening fire. The Rabbi lost a finger, but the shooter’s gun “miraculously jammed,” he said. The gunman fled the scene and later surrendered to police.
In the moments after the shooting, Kaye’s husband was called to help a wounded congregant and fainted when he realized it was his wife, Rabbi Goldstein added.
Lori Kaye was taken to a local hospital, but died shortly thereafter.
Authorities said 8-year-old Noya Dahan and her 34-year-old uncle, Almog Peretz, sustained shrapnel injuries. Both have been released from the hospital.
Dahan was wounded in the face and leg. Her father Israel Dahan told ABC news that his family moved to California after facing rocket attacks in their former home near the Gaza Strip.
Peretz, who was visiting California from Israel, was hit in the leg and helped children escape through a side door, ABC reports.
Who knew that simple
RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS
would become an actual deadly act?
Does it change things now?
Dare we literally give our lives
to save another
without a moment to decide
what not to do
OR TO DO
in blink-of-the-eye-click-of-trigger quickness. . .
Lori Kaye, who was in the Temple on the last day of Passover to honor the recent death of her mother, just didn’t jump in front of the Rabbi and took bullets meant for him; she jumped into our hearts and began a tsunami that has washed upon shores to ever change the very geography of them; as Caring Catalyst’s we can’t reduce that to a mere ripple, a wave come and gone. . .
or
W E D O
. . .in that sad case
THEY WIN
Lori Kaye, 60, was killed in a shooting at the Chabad of Poway synagogue in California on April 27. Audrey JacobsBY CIARA NUGENT 8:22 AM EDT
What a License Plate, huh?
We probably all could support
T H A T
Plate
because we are all
B R O K E D
. . .none of us are
U N D E F E A T E D
but all of us
has this
R E S E R V E
that makes us
U N D E F E A T A B L E
Helping the Broked
will get you
B R O K E D
chipped
cracked
sharp-edged
slivered
never-more’d
Perfectly
I M P E R F E C T E D
unmitigatedly
totaled
(almost every time)
9 9. 9% of the Time
but
roll-the-dice-gamble
Go all in
Bet your Farm
And your Neighbor’s
on the
.9%
and until then. . .
from my brokednesss
Let Seep from me
all that is good
that I may
Refill once more
(Change is always good because it often keeps, not so much THINGS, but you, me, US, fresh and alert. For the past couple of weeks I’ve added a poem I’ve written instead of a personal story that illustrates without many words what it means to be a Caring Catalyst. So, what’s the verdict. How can I not only better represent, how can I better share what it means to be a Caring Catalyst? I’m open to suggestions. Currently, I begin the week with a video that illustrates what it means to be a Caring Catalyst and how you might become a better Catalyst. On Wednesday’s blog posting, I usually put in some bit of data based information on the good effects and the how-to’s in becoming a better Caring Catalyst; On Friday, I use a personal story. Poetry was my first love and use of sharing; it was my social media in high school and college and then it was fiction. I’ll be interjecting a new format on Wednesday or Friday that includes THE POWER OF THREE as I share what I’m watching, reading, using and name this segment: BEGGAR BITES that brings home the adage: SHOWING ANOTHER BEGGAR WHERE THIS BEGGAR GOT THE FOOD. Again, I’m looking for you feedback and suggestions that you might find most helpful, educational, inspirational and motivational. In the mean time, I humbly thank you for following and most of all for being a constant source of inspiration and awe. Thank you!)
Being a True C A R I N G C A T A L Y S T
means that Compassion and Love
need no Legislation or Policing and
Obliterates THEM and THEY
or I and YOU
and only is known abundantly as
US and WE. . .
T I S S U E
A T i s s u e. . .
Simple request, huh. . .
I was visiting them
for just a routine visit;
One month. . .
A month ago he was power washing his deck
buying a new car
going to a clam bake
and being diagnosed for the first time
with advance pancreatic cancer. . .
A Month Ago
isn’t a very long time. . .
a mere 744 hours
a mere 44,640 minutes
a mere 2,678,4000 seconds
. . .a month
and now he’s just literally moments away from dying. . .
My Charting very sterilely states:
I provided supportive presence via active listening/validation of feelings/comments, life/faith/family review; I shared scripture/prayer/blessing/healing touch; the pt was never fully awake/responsive during visit but appears comfortable/managed; pt is showing s/s of actively dying with his breathing pattern and the mottling of his skin on his hands, lips and feet up to his knees; the family expressed thanks for my visit and for all services/interventions/support shown; when sharing that the he was our patient and they are our concern, I asked if I could be of any other service or if I could bring them anything; pt’s wife responded: “TISSUE.” Can you bring us a softer tissue?” I left room and acquired a softer box of tissues from the supply room. . . .”
Paint a picture
Just the facts
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
. . .as abrasive as a cheap, non-brand tissue. . .
He died shortly after I left for the day
and now I think of him
o f t e n
with every tissue I see
and I seem to be seeing them
e v e r y w h e r e
The word C O M P A S S I O N
comes from Greek word
which literally translates:
S U F F E R I N G W I T H
and it’s never the S U F F E R I N G
that’s emphasized so much as
THE WITH
R E A L C H A N G E
never really is the JINGLE
in your pocket
so much as the recognition
IT IS THE ONLY THING CONSTANT
in our lives
and often something we have little control. . .
A Month isn’t a very long time
A Tissue isn’t very much of a request in a world of
W A N T S
We’re not called to be millionaires
We’re not called to be Fixers
We’re not called to be Healers
We’re not called to be Nurses
We’re not called to be Doctors
We’re not called to be Chaplains
We’re not called to be Nursing Assistants
We’re not called to be Counselors
We’re called to be Compassionate People
The WHERE
THE WHEN
THE HOW
is inconsequential
to the T H A T
WE ARE COMPASSIONATE
WE ARE KIND
WE ARE EMPATHETIC
WE ARE SYMPATHETIC
WE ARE CARING CATALYSTS
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK. . .
IS IT TOO MUCH EXPECT. . .
IS IT TOO MUCH FEEL. . .
IF WE FAIL. . .
CAN IT BE IN EXHAUSTING EVERY EFFORT
TO L O V E. . .
l e t s f i n d o u t
even if it’s just
a softer t i s s u e. . .
Being a True C A R I N G C A T A L Y S T
means that Compassion and Love
need no Legislation or Policing and
Obliterates THEM and THEY
or I and YOU
and only is known abundantly as
US and WE. . .
