ChuckBehrens

When To G I V E

August 26, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

No surprise, right?

I mean, it’s THAT time of the year, isn’t?

In fact. . .

E A C H T I M E

is T H A T T I M E,

isn’t it?

We see folks standing on road ways,

ramps and street corners

with signs that are asking what we all seem to work so hard for

and don’t ever get to keep enough:

M O N E Y. . .

We’ve all probably been in a place and in a time

where we needed more than what we have in our pockets,

bank accounts,

401k’s. . .

I’ve never stood on a corner to ask for money.

I once went on purpose to a soup kitchen;

O N P U R P O S E,

not to help or serve,

or clean up,

but to actually eat. . .

I wanted to see I T from another perspective.

I was treated kindly,

with sympathy and compassion,

but it was very apparent

I was ONE OF THEM

and Not one of THEM,

serving. . .

I’ve gotten all of the advice on this matter from both sides:

GIVE Freely

and Never GIVE

under any circumstances.

“GIVE a man a Fish and you feed him for a day; Teach a man to Fish and he eats forever. . . .”

Right?

Wrong?

Circumstantial?

Enabling?

I have heard,

maybe felt it all.

Three things happened most recently

that I think has settled this for me,

and now maybe you.

We were driving home from school

and my granddaughter was in the back seat of the car.

We came to a Stop Light that had just turned, RED.

On the side of the road was a man who looked like he was wearing everything he owned.

He held a sign that just simply read,

H U N G R Y
P L E A S E H E L P

I heard a zipper getting UN-zipped

and then the window go down from the backseat.

My 8-yr old granddaughter was handing a dollar to the man with the sign.

I found out,

it wasn’t her first time.

Fast forward a few days ahead. I was in the car and I was in another part of town.

I was getting off of the highway and there on the berm of the road was a guy.

He didn’t have everything on that he owned,

he actually was carrying a ripped backpack.

He was sweaty and his face was smeared.

He was holding a sign that I couldn’t actually read.

Maybe he wrote it in the rain.

It was hot and the letters looked like they were melting together.

Everyone was passing him by.

It was a long line and the Red Light came up at least twice

and now was just turning Green.

He was still 5 car lengths ahead of me.

I looked up.

There was a $20 bill in my sun visor. . .

it had been a great week

–F O R M E. . .

I hit the button to the window and it purred down.

I crunched the bill between my fingers

and handed it over to him.

Seriously. . .

it was One of THOSE Commercials–

except there was no mention of benefits

to the Card Carrier

And yet. . .

still, it was

P R I C E L E S S!

THAT look on his face,

and even with the sounds of afternoon traffic,

I heard him gasp.

I couldn’t see his face from the rearview mirror

as I drove away,

but his head was down, looking,

watching the bill in his hand as if it were going to fly away,

d i s s o l v e

or just turn into a dollar bill before his eyes.

I wonder what story he’ll tell and to who?

I wonder if he’ll,

weeks,

months,

years from now reflect,

“I remember the time on a hot Summer day when this guy, who I didn’t even think noticed me, rolled down his window and handed me a crunched up $20 bill.”

I wonder. . .

if. . .

when I’ll forget?

And then there was the man

outside of the exit of a

GET-GO STATION

with a sign that read:

I HAVE DIABETES

AND NEED TO EAT

I had just filled up my tank

and Erin and I were about

to fill up our stomachs

with a Sub-Sandwich we had just bought.

I rolled down my window and offered him

my still un-wrapped Italian Sub

and he declined my offer

by pulling out his own Sub from

the big bag he had in front of him. . .

He gave me a great

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm Of The Day

So finally after a lifetime of waffling

with the SHOULD and SHOULDN’T’S

of what to do

when faced with an opportunity

of someone imploring

my meek earnings

I think I’ve come to a

S E T T L I N G :

From now on,

there’ll only be two times when I give:

1) When I have IT

2) When I don’t have IT

. . .A N D

What say YOU ?

Your Olympic Moment

August 22, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Abbey D’Agostino and Nikki Hamblin gave us quite the Olympic Moment

Your Olympic Moment. . .

has it happened already

or just merely

inspired?

It takes a long time to get from one Olympic to another. . .

for most, it’ll never be a reality;

The next one will be

F O U R Y E A R S

from now in

Tokyo

but some Olympics moment are never ending. . .

so are some of our day to day moments;

We are all running a most difficult

R A C E

One that seems to go

on and on and on and on and on and on

with no seeming

F I N I S H L I N E

in sight

and then you see. . .

you e x p e r i e n c e

something much greater

than some ending point. . .

you feel the greatness that can only come from within

but always

e m a n a t e s

o u t w a r d

u p w a r d. . .

We stumble

We fall

We trip up

We get hurt

We get disappointed

We feel discouraged

d e f e a t e d

and just when the race

feels hopelessly lost

another event starts

that knows

N O

L O S E R S

e v e r. . .

In our long journey to the

Finish Line

with the unceasingly

ever-running

have-got-to-beat

c l o c k

there’s a speckle of

t r u t h

that makes the

D E F E A T E D

U N D E F E A T A B L E :

WHEN YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO BE

RIGHT OR KIND

B E K I N D

and watch the

Finish Line

not only vanish. . .

but become something so very, very much more!

https://youtu.be/z5-fQ2Qda5U

The ROUGH Side of the Sheets

August 19, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

There’s a few guarantees in life that are not all that

P L E A S A N T

Here’s one:

The Other Side of the Sheets are Always

R o u g h e r

S c r a t c h i e r

More A b r a s i v e. . .

N O T C O M F O R T A B L E

In 3 7 5 days

a lot can happen;

much can happen in

3 7 5 s e c o n d s

or blinks of an eye. . .

3 7 5

days ago my wife Erin had

Five back to back to back to back to back

s e i z u r e s;

after five days of testing,

some of it, very painful

we were sent home

with a not so firm diagnosis of

viral meningitis. . .

but after a year of recovering

r e c o u p i n g

and still having on/off

f o c a l s e i z u r e s

we spent another short week at

The Epilepsy Lab

at the Cleveland Clinic

and now have a firm diagnosis of

Left Temporal Epilepsy;

most likely managed with

the right medications

which may take some tinkerings

that finds us on the

r o u g h

s c r a t c h y

a b r a s i v e

n o t c o m f o r t a b l e

O T H E R S I D E O F T H E S H E E T S

There have been plenty of studies done about

how miserable

The Other Side of the Sheets

can actually be

for those who spend most of their time on

the more comfortable

more familiar

less irritating

BEST SIDE OF THE SHEETS

of Caregiving:

W E D O N ‘ T L I K E I T !

There’s a Universe of Difference between

C A R E G I V I N G

and

C A R E G E T T I N G,

But T H E L E S S O N

is invaluable for either side of the Sheets:

YOUR SUFFERING

MY SUFFERING

and

MY SUFFERING

YOUR SUFFERING

and no matter how rumpled the sheets

either side. . .

we can all do our part

to make sure they are a lot

s m o o t h e r. . .

adding a little compassionate care

is the softener

necessary to make

both sides of the sheets

h e a l i n g;

. . .now pass me the pillow case,

p l e a s e,

I T C A N A L W A Y S A L I T T L E M O R E C O M F Y

R E M E M B E R i n g

August 12, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

To the Living

I am Gone

To the Sorrowful

I’ll never return

To the Angry

I was cheated

To the Faithful

I’ve never left

I can’t be seen

but I can still hear

I can’t speak

but I can still listen

so the next time you stand on a shore gazing at a beautiful sea

or look upon flowers to admire their simplicity

R E M E M B E R M E

in your heart

of the times we fought

the times we cried

the times we laughed

the times we loved

Because if you always think of me

I WILL HAVE NEVER GONE

When do words become more than words?

. . .when they become

a c t i o n s

DAVE & BUSTERS

in Westlake, Ohio

did just that

a couple of weeks ago.

Two of their employees have recently died.

T H E Y

sent condolences.

T H E Y

sent flowers.

T H E Y

bought two benches

with the individuals names and very special sentiments on them

and put them in a very nice garden area right in front of their entrance

T H E Y

invited the members of their families

and their employees to come to

A Celebration Service

in their honors

before work

to REMEMBER

“Anytime we come together to remember, it’s never long enough. . . “

I began

“It could be around a holiday table

It could be outback at a family reunion

It could be on a sunny morning before work, like this

but anytime we come together to remember–

it’s never long enough. . . .”

“. . .but you haven’t come here to remember, have you?

You’ve come here to be powerfully reminded that you haven’t come here to begin

only continue the celebrations of these two lives

in your lives

for the rest of your lives. . . .”

and then I asked one of the most powerful

ever hard to answer question

that could ever be asked at

any Celebration service:

“WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE STORY?”

And then the stories of these two lives,

i n t e r m i n g l i n g l y

and were told

RE-MEMBERED

Put back together again

one after another

intermixed with tears

and laughter

and smiles

I reminded them:

“IT’S NOT ONE THING”

. . .that the cliche

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

is a l i e

a million, maybe, but not a mere 1000.

I reminded them:

“BUT YOU DON’T NEED A PHOTOGRAPH, DO YOU ?

I just need to say their names. . .

and it’s not a moment

it’s not a memory

it’s not an event

or an occasion

it’s a cascade of all of those things

water falling down over them

shouting for their attention.

DAVE & BUSTER’S

made sure

to show these families and friends

that the only thing more powerful than memories

is the love that makes them

everything they were

everything they are

everything they will forever be

by bringing people together

and making ongoing

new memories

in the names

of those

we came

to celebrate. . .

and what better way to do that?

What Else?

A BRUNCH!

DAVE & BUSTER’S

are Caring Catalyst’s

Who Cares

What Matters

by showing as long as we think of

T H E M

T H E Y

are never gone

Just 20 Seconds

August 3, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 1 Comment

T W E N T Y S E C O N D S

What can you do in just a mere

T W E N T Y S E C O N D S

Micro-Meditate

Stretch

Deep Breathe

Order a Meal

Add a few songs from a Spotify Playlist

Gift someone an Album

Donate to a Charity

Get a mini work out in

Book a Cleaning

Boost your mood by reading an inspirational quote

Set a Tiny goal

Pay your credit card bill

Find a restaurant and book a reservation

Schedule a hair appointment

Change your Facebook relationship status

Send an Error report

Check in on your sleep quality

Take and upload a Selfie

Text Anyone

Set a fantasy football lineup

Update our to-do list

Order alcohol to your front door with an app

TELL IF SOMEONE IS COMPASSIONATE

in just a mere

T W E N T Y S E C O N D S

Pssssssssssst:

Someone can actually tell in a mere twenty seconds

if you are really

C o m p a s s i o n a t e

According to a new study out of the University of California, Berkley, a person can in

t w e n t y s e c o n d s

tell if you are a compassionate person

by the way you have more open body language

eye contact

head nods

and smiling.

Imagine walking into a lab

and are shown a series of 20-second video clips

In each clip, a different person is listening to someone else speaking.

You can’t hear the conversation,

there’s no sound to the clip

but you’re told that the speaker is talking a time

when he or she suffered. . .

S E R I O U S L Y

Do you listen with your whole body?

(Literally, turn your whole body towards the person who’s speaking to you)

Do you make soft eye contact?

(Literally, not staring a person down but looking at a person full in their face; eyes, mouth, forehead)

Do you offer simple connecting gestures?

(Literally, smiling, nodding your head, and ‘uh-huh-ing’ without interrupting the speaker)

These three simple steps, the researchers tell us,

are simple but not always easy to do

when we’re distracted, busy or stressed out ourselves.

It takes just a mere

T W E N T Y S E C O N D S

and it’s a great reminder that there’s no

wait time

not even a second

for compassion to spontaneously arise.

When we have the

i n t e n t i o n

to experience

and offer

c o m p a s s i o n

we can make choices–even small ones

like how to make eye contact

that can lead to

authentic compassion

The Ba-Zillion Dollar Question:

W I L L Y O U ?

G L O R I O U S

August 1, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Sometimes you go to Church

without ever actually going

T H E R E

(and those are the most holy of times)

There are times when

You might feel aimless

And can’t see the places

Where you belong

But you will find that

There is a a purpose

It’s been there within you

All along

And when you’re near it

You can almost heart it

It’s like a symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

In each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s G L O R I O U S

And you will know how

To let it ring out

As you discover

Who you are

Others around you

Will start to wake up

To the sounds that are

In their hearts

It’s so amazing

What we’re all creating

It’s like a Symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

in each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s G L O R I O U S

And as you feel

The notes built

H I G H E R

You will see

It’s like a Symphony

Just keep listening

And pretty soon you’ll start

To figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece

And there are melodies

In each one of us

Ohhhhh it’s G L O R I O U S

Sometimes you go to Church

without stepping into the front door

of even the most magnificent of

all sanctuaries. . .

on a brand new,

f r e s h

Monday Morning. . .

B E

T H A T

S A N C T U A R Y

that simply

a c c e n t u a t e s

another’s part

in the

s y m p h o n y

and listen to how it

plays

inspires

motivates

new notes in you

that have yet to be

c o n d u c t e d

I T ‘ S

G L O R I O U S

C L A U S E D

July 29, 2016 By ChuckBehrens Leave a Comment

Have you ever turned a corner

and run into him face to face?

Would you be surprised?

Shocked?

Doubting?

Too old to even imagine it?

It happened. . .

to Max

a four year old

in church

who never saw him coming

and now will never forget that he did

Max was the only little kid in Church

last Sunday when we were celebrating

C H R I S T M A S I N J U L Y

He came forward to the congregation’s singing

J E S U S L O V E S M E

I asked him if he’d be surprised if Santa Claus

would actually be in church today.

Max agreed that he would

with a sigh and a face full of doubt

at the silly question.

I asked him to turn around

to see who was sitting in the back row.

It was Santa

in white pants

and a loud flowered print shirt

with a picture of a surfing Santa on the front.

The look on young Max’s face

couldn’t be painted or replicated

with shock and surprise.

Max excitedly said,

“I’ve never seen Santa in the day time. . . “

I asked Santa to come forward

(mind you, this was all impromptu)

and when he did,

he made a little boy’s heart

and the rest of all of us instantly transformed

little boys and little girls

h e a r t s

beat forever differently.

He told Max how glad he had come to Church

and how happy he was to see him.

He asked Max if was being a good boy

and like little marionettes

we all instinctively moved our heads

young and old

up and down

into a

Y E S

After he magically pulled a

C a n d y C a n e

from his pocket

for Max

and. . .M E

he picked up young Max

and gave him a hug

that we all felt.

Have you been

C L A U S E D

It truly made for one memorable

C H R I S T M A S I N J U L Y

none of us that

overly warm, humid Sunday

will soon forget

and maybe

even sooner still—

will unforgettably share

as it was so

awesomely

shared with us

It put the

F A

in all of our

L A ‘s

(not always such an easy feat at Christmas or Christmas in July)

Ho. . .

H O

m e r r y c h r i s t m a s

MUDDERS

July 22, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

It was a Sunday morning. . .

more Sunday’s ago than I can actually calculate

but I was in college and tired of studying. . .

It was raining

and so I took the car when I normally would have walked the

few blocks to a Church

that was getting built next door to an old city mansion

where the Church

was now meeting until the building was completed.

The Parking Lot. . .

more of a muddy field was

u n m a n e u v e r a b l e

My first mistake

was that I actually tried getting out of the car

I sunk to my ankles in cold, wet mud

There were about a dozen men and a few woman standing on the porch

watching me

s i n k

and then push my

car

It took a while

NO O N E H E L P E D

or even yelled to offer.

I fell several times

and my clothes and shoes were more mud than cloth and leather.

I made it

In college,

I lived with my grandmother’s;

when she saw me and my mud covered car

she fumed

as I told her the story

and began stripping out of my mud caked clothes.

I’ll never forget what she said

after calling

the good Church folk

some not so kindly

Church folk names:

“Those bunch of hypocrites. . .that’s exactly why I don’t go to Church. . .”

I yelled over my shoulder as I was going down the basement steps to the Washer:

“and that’s exactly why I want to serve One. . .”

Since t h a t I can’t count

the times I’ve found myself in

one muddy field

after another

pushing

struggling

cursing

my way through

I don’t notice so much anymore

just who’s watching

who’s noticing

who’s just passively

observing

or actually turning the other way.

Sometimes

in all of that Mud

it’s even harder to figure out

really where I want

really what I want to

b e ?

And I can’t fathom

this is where I was meant to be

here

now

again

in the mud

in the not so pretty

in the not so acceptable

in the not so easy to get completely clean place. . .

And then

Sometimes, because it seems

like it happens in

blink-of-the-eye-quickness

I go from one

muddy place

to another

without having the opportunity

to even sprinkle off

A N D T H A T ‘ S W H E N I T H I T S M E

I am at

my absolute best

WHEN I AM AT MY MUDDIEST;

My Best

When I’m at my most uncleanest;

When I’m at my most Soiled-est;

When I’m at my most filthiest;

When I’m at my most dingiest;

When I’m at my most foulest;

because that’s where

the most people reside

right there

right there in the mud

pushing

struggling

cursing

their ways, too

It’s not so much that we help each other as it is

that we

N O T I C E

R E C O G N I Z E

don’t turn away from

s e e i n g

We are not alone

We are

M U D D E R S

one

and

all

in need of a shower

and finding

barely a random

s p r i n k l e

y e t being

g r a t e f u l

just the same. . . .

When You Can’t Feel, T O U C H

July 20, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

Sometimes it happens. . .

THE WELL

THE HEALTHY

become the unhealthy. . .

the U N – W e l l

. . . .and it ain’t pretty.

The Statistics aren’t all that promising and back up the UN-PRETTY-NESS of it all. . .

A recent study, finds that one quarter of all family caregivers of Alzheimer’s disease patients succumb to the stress of providing care to a loved one and often become hospital patients themselves.

Specifically, Indiana University researchers discovered that a quarter of family caregivers of Alzheimer’s dementia patients had at least one emergency room visit or hospitalization EVERY SIX MONTHS

Caregiving is not easy. . .even when you get paid the big bucks for it

Caregiving is not easy. . .even when it’s your Lifestyle, and not just your profession

Caregiving is not easy. . .

even when it’s absolutely easy from time to time

The Murder/Suicide rate among senior adult couples is some 50% HIGHER than younger adults

S H O C K I N G ?

Some 40% of family members caring for a loved one with dementia suffer from signs of mental distress, according to a new study from the Canadian Institute for Health Information.

Some literally see Suicide as a C U R E

. . .So is there a Remedy?

When you can’t feel. . .

T O U C H

Maintain some kind of life outside of caregiving; have friends, routines, hobbies and USE THEM
Keep healthy; get check-ups, eat and drink right; e x e r c i s e
Breathe; I recently heard a great technique for this: SNIFF IN, BLOW OUT
Join a support group; not always for what someone can GIVE you, but what you might be able to share

Wait. . .is that too simple

Wait. . .is that too cost effective

Wait. . .

is it that easy

P s s s s s s t. . .

Y E S

So. . .

when you can’t

f e e l ,

t o u c h

and see the results for the

Touched

and the

Touch’er

The E Word

July 13, 2016 By ChuckBehrens 2 Comments

Do you pass the

T E S T

Are Y O U :

Finding Public Places Stressful

Needing Alone Time

Discovering Clutter as Catastrophic

Labeled as Moody

Enjoying Daydreaming

A Knowledge Seeker

A Free Spirit

Seeing that Rules and Routine are Torturous

Easily Bored and Distracted

A Creative Force

Battling Fatigue

Being a Human Lie Detector

Having an Addictive Personality

Well did you pass the

T E S T ?

Do you have one or more of these

t r a i t s ?

You know what it means?

You could be a very

dangerous

hopeless

impossibly irreconcilable

true-blooded

E M P A T H E T I C

p e r s o n

It’s more than just a word,

isn’t it:

E M P A T H Y

The word is everywhere these days, isn’t it

but not as

the v e r b

we all desperately need.

To be empathetic

is the ability to put yourself into another’s shoes

with the simple goal to just

understand their feelings. . .

so are you a highly empathetic person;

Do you have those traits?

Some would actually say

t h o s e t r a i t s

aren’t all that

admirable

Studies and Researchers say

approximately

T W E N T Y P E R C E N T

of the population are

highly empathetic people;

Caring Catalysts

Kind of makes

the

80/20

rule

u n – r u l y

Maybe that’s the best definition of EMPATHY

Webster’s

has yet to

d e f i n e

WHAT SAY YOU ?

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